Learning2Walk

When God Speaks

2012-02-14T07:13:00.004-06:00

Child of God, you have the attention of Jesus. He knows everything going on in your life. He is familiar with your pain. Jesus' love, compassion, and grace are immensely personal. He is committed to meeting the deepest needs of your heart in the middle of your struggle. ~David Platt

My pastor paused in the middle of his sermon on Sunday to speak these words to the church. I'm sure God led him to say them, and I'm sure there were many in such a large crowd who needed to hear them. But then God did something for me that I pray I never forget. He proved them true.

Without going into any details, the past week has been one that, apart from the tender mercies of God, should have been one of the worst weeks of my life. I spent a significant portion of Saturday dumping out my anger, hurt, and confusion before Him. He had orchestrated the events of the week and allowed me to watch as He answered so many of my prayers. But His answers seemed to come at my expense, and the harsh timing left me feeling carelessly used and discarded.

Ohh, I was mad. Mostly at Him. So I told Him. I sobbed furious tears for quite some time before coming to a place of conceding, I just need to feel You. I just need to know You care about me too.

The service had just ended on Sunday morning when Anna approached me and said, "I've been praying hard for you this week, Haley. God really laid you on my heart." I'm sure the look on my face was one of confusion. That would have been a perfectly normal thing for a close friend to say after a week like this one. But I met Anna three weeks ago. We're in a Bible study together, but we've never had a one-on-one conversation. She knows very little about me and absolutely nothing about my week. Certain she just meant she had prayed through the requests I had shared at small group on Tuesday, I asked her to explain. She said, "No, all week I've been praying for you, and then last night (Saturday), I was in the middle of praying for myself. God kept interrupting me with Haley...Haley...Haley."

My jaw dropped.

He knows. He hears. He cares.

Nothing else matters.

"Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness." ~Lamentations 3:22-23

2012-01-28T10:53:00.001-06:00

"Can we give up all for the love of God? When the surrender of ourselves seems too much to ask, it is first of all because our thoughts about God Himself are paltry. We have not really seen Him, we have hardly tested Him at all and learned how good He is. In our blindness we approach Him with suspicious reserve. We ask how much of our fun He intends to spoil, how much He will demand from us, how high is the price we must pay before He is placated. If we had the least notion of His lovingkindness and tender mercy, His fatherly care for His poor children, His generosity, His beautiful plans for us; if we knew how patiently He waits for our turning to Him, how gently He means to lead us to green pastures and still waters, how carefully He is preparing a place for us, how ceaselessly He is ordering and ordaining and engineering His Master Plan for our good - if we had any inkling of all this, could we be so reluctant to let go of our smashed dandelions or whatever we clutch so fiercely in our sweaty little hands?"

-Elisabeth Elliot

Katie's Family Makes National News!

2011-07-09T12:20:00.001-05:00

If you read my blog while I was in Africa, you know that I constantly suggested reading posts from Katie's blog. While I've never met her personally, I am challenged and encouraged every time she writes about what God is doing in her life and the lives of her children. If you aren't aware, Katie is a 22-year-old from Brentwood, TN, who has become Mommy to 13 orphaned Ugandan girls. I was so excited to see her story published on NPR. Read it here, and then check out her blog. If you feel led to support Katie's ministry financially, click on the "Amazima" link on the right side of my blog. (Of course, you can find it on her blog as well.)

Secret Poverty

2011-03-27T17:55:00.007-05:00

"The greatest single hindrance to evangelism today is the secret poverty of our own spiritual experience." ~John Stott

Talk to any grandparent for five minutes and what's the most likely topic of conversation? The grandchildren. Ask any mother how her week has been, and what will her response include? The daily lives of her children. Spend significant time with any engaged man or woman, and you will leave knowing all about his or her future spouse. We all do it. We all talk about the people we know and love the most.

So what does it mean when our conversations do not naturally lead to Jesus?

I would rather not think about the answer to that question. Because the truth behind it is not something I can acknowledge and then simply continue on my merry way. The truth behind it is this: we do not know Him. Not really. If we really knew Jesus, we wouldn't be able to stop talking about Him. We wouldn't be able to stand the thought of someone else not knowing Him.

Oh, I know Him a little. I've spent time with Him. I've talked with Him. I've asked for His guidance, and I've even followed it many times. I've experienced His presence and power in my life enough to "taste and see that the Lord is good" (Psalm 34:8). And I can attest to the fact that those are the times when I can't wait to share what He's done with the first person who will listen. Which is why I can also say with certainty that John Stott is right: if we are experiencing life with Jesus, we are going to be talking about it. If we are not talking about it, the spiritual poverty we try so hard to cover up with pious-sounding words and religious activity is far more tragic than any slum on the other side of the world. I've hidden in that slum more times than I care to admit.

“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’" (Matthew 7:21-22)   You mean it is possible to prophesy and drive out demons and perform miracles in His name without knowing Him? Jesus seems to think so. You mean there are people who verbally acknowledge Jesus's lordship but have no real relationship with Him? That's what it sounds like to me.

I shudder to think of what it would feel like to hear Him say, "I never knew you."

"Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you—unless, of course, you fail the test?" (2 Corinthians 13:5)

My first inclination after typing these verses was to backtrack--give a little disclaimer that I'm not questioning my own salvation or trying to cause others to question theirs. And then I thought...why do I feel the need to be p.c. and do that? The Bible commands us to test ourselves! I'm not doing anybody any favors by sugar-coating that command. Do you, do I, know Jesus? I mean really.

If not, He's worth knowing. Not for blessings on this earth or the promise of eternity in heaven, but simply for Him. He is life. He is joy. He is peace.  Nothing is worth more.

The apostle Paul seemed to have that much figured out when He said, "But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith." (Philippians 3:7-9).

It seems so obvious. Of course, everything is garbage compared to knowing Christ. I can say that with no hesitation. But do I live that way? If I examine how I spend my time, my thoughts, my money--is knowing Christ truly my priority? And what does it mean to really know Him?

"I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of His resurrection and participation in His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death, and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead." (Philippians 3:10-11).

To know Christ is to become like Christ. But wow, participate in His sufferings and become like Him in His death? I'd like to think I would be willing to suffer and die for Him if it came to that, but to say that I want it? Do I want to know Him that badly?  It's easy to look at those verses and feel frustrated.  I don't know if I can say that, Lord! I want to know You, and I know You're worth it, but I'm not there yet! I'm glad the apostle Paul kept going...

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 3:12-14)

I'm also glad it's not dependent on my own efforts and motivation. "Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill His good purpose." (Philippians 2:12-13).

And He can be trusted to finish the work He started. "Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." (Philippians 1:6)

Dear Jesus, open our eyes to see our own secret poverty.  Forgive us for placing people and things above our relationship with You. Enthrall us with Your presence, and draw us to pursue You above all else. Let us experience You as our life, our joy, and our peace. Burden us for those who have never known You, and let our words and actions constantly reflect the richness of knowing You.

*If you are not sure what it means to be a follower of Christ and would like to know more, click here.

The Bachelor: Biblical Reality Television at Its Finest...Well, Sort Of

2011-01-10T16:58:00.032-06:00

One dude. Thirty women. Let the catfights begin.

I do not watch The Bachelor. Not usually. Not on purpose. At least not unless I just happen to have the tv on as background noise while I'm grading papers.

Ok, so sometimes I watch it. I probably shouldn't. Because usually by the time the show ends, my pride is puffed up a little for comparing myself to these girls who are stooping to all kinda crazy to fight over a man who is clearly having his cake and eating it too. They sob and they rant when he chooses one of the other girls, and I find myself yelling at the television, "Honey, did you not watch the show last season? You signed up for this!"

It doesn't take a relationship expert to recognize that any situation involving more than one woman competing for one man is a recipe for jealousy, insecurity and confusion. In a word: DRAMA. And ABC entertains 15 million viewers with it weekly.

Reality television--clearly more television than reality, right? But as I watched the season premier of The Bachelor the other night (rationalized by the stack of punctuation tests in front of me), I realized that a similar situation actually was reality almost 2500 years ago. The bachelor? King Ahasuerus of Persia.  The unlikely favorite? A Jewish orphan named Esther.

Esther has been on my mind a lot lately (not at all evidenced by the fact that I am pulling Biblical analogies out of reality tv...ha).  In the summer of 2008, several of my closest friends and I went on a 10-day mission trip to Johannesburg, South Africa. We had the privilege of serving with Steve and Teresa Kinsley, full-time missionaries and founders of Mission Sebenzela.  Towards the end of our trip, Mrs. Teresa prayed for our group. As she prayed specifically for the girls, she mentioned that God was "raising up many of these girls to be Esthers." At that moment, I had chills that literally went from my head to my toes and back again. It wasn't like the little goose bumps you get when you are touched by a message or a song. I knew God was telling me to pay attention.

This was a pivotal point in my life because I was just coming out of a period of avoiding God. No, I wasn't living a lifestyle of flagrant sin. No one would have known it but me. I went to church, faithfully attended my small group, and did all the right things--purposefully keeping God at a distance the whole time.  My relationship with Him had become almost non-existent, and I was beginning to think that God had probably given up on me.  Until He called me Esther.

I still don't have much insight into what that means. At the time, the meaning behind it wasn't nearly as important as the fact that I felt God speak to me. To say that He wanted me. To say that even though I had run, He loved me and had a purpose for my life.  That was the only thing that mattered to me in the summer of 2008. But now, 2 1/2 years later, as I pray towards a possible future in overseas missions, I want to know...what does it mean to be an Esther?

As for the real Esther...

She was raised as an orphan by her cousin Mordecai.
She was chosen by the king's overseers as one of probably hundreds of beautiful young virgins to compete for the king's affections.
She found favor with Hegai, the king's eunuch, and with all who saw her.
When it was her turn to meet with the king, she took only what Hegai advised.
She was chosen by King Ahasuerus as queen in place of Vashti. (Had she not been chosen, she would have spent the rest of her life in the 2nd harem, living a life of virtual widowhood. How's that for a final rose ceremony?)
As the new queen, she risked her life to save her people from genocide.

As I study Esther in the next few months, I'm sure I'll learn more about what it means to be like this brave, godly young woman. I've already learned a little bit, just reading this verse and a short commentary on it today: "For if you keep silent at this time, relief and deliverance will rise for the Jews from another place, but you and your father’s house will perish. And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?" (Mordecai speaking to Esther in 4:14). The commentary I read was a reminder that regardless of what position you are in, God has placed you there for a unique purpose.

It reminded me of what my pastor David Platt says is his constant prayer, "God, I pray that today, now, you would lead me to the people, places, and positions where I can most effectively make disciples of all nations." For me, it is a reminder that no matter how much I may consider a future overseas, today my "positions" in His kingdom are teacher, coach, small group leader, daughter, sister, and friend in Alabama. God's purposes for salvation will stand with or without me, but it will be my loss if I choose not to be a part of them. May I not keep silent about the gospel in such a time as this.

The Dreaded 3-0

2010-11-23T13:10:00.000-06:00

I did everything I could to strike November 14th from the calendar this year, but the 5th anniversary of my 25th birthday came and went without any input from me. My friends took me out for sushi at Jinsei to mourn (or celebrate...whatever you want to call it).

Space, Kate, and me

John likes to snap them before we are ready.

me and Hayden

Mel, Crystal, Bryant, and Laurahelen

The icing on the cake was opening my mailbox to find this card from Kelly...

Ha. 30 is the new 20, right? :)

Strawberry Lemonade

2010-10-30T01:13:00.019-05:00

It's been a while since I've blogged, in part because of the busy-ness of school and in part because daily life in Alabama doesn't exactly seem like the stuff headlines are made of. But God has really been bringing some Scripture to life for me lately, so I thought I'd write a little bit about what He's been teaching me.

We could probably all quote Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose." It's one of those verses that's offered as a lifeline for someone in crisis, so much that it's sadly almost become a Christian cliché--one of those go-to phrases we toss out when we don't know what else to say. It's also one of those verses that I've known as head knowledge but not as heart knowledge. I guess God decided that needed to change.

As much as everyone is probably sick of hearing the condo saga, that so-called "investment" has continuously been a source of "life experience" for me. Despite being the one decision I regret the most, God has used it to teach me so many truths--most of them involving His sovereignty and provision. October has been no different.

It all started on the first of the month when I picked up my keys to move back in. Without going into unnecessary details, the past month has offered me a crash course in home repairs and interior decorating. (I will stick to teaching from now on, thanks.)

One morning I was walking into school, mentally tallying receipts and visualizing my bank account vanishing into a puff of smoke. For a moment, fear and regret threatened to grip my thoughts. Why did I ever purchase this stupid condo? How am I supposed to pay off the loan when I'm having to spend money on home improvements? Am I going to be stuck in it forever???

Thankfully, those thoughts only lasted a few seconds before I was reminded: my Daddy owns the cattle on a thousand hills (Psalm 50:10). This sum of money that seems so big in my little world is literally nothing to Him. This condo could be sold tomorrow if He wanted it to be. So I am not here because of a mortgage. I am not here because of a bad housing market. I am not even here because I made a mistake in purchasing the condo. I am here because this is where God wants me for today.

"For My thoughts are not your thoughts; neither are your ways My ways," declares the LORD. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9

I'm learning that He sees things we don't. Maybe He wanted to use this as an opportunity to display His grace and sovereignty to others who witnessed the situation. Maybe He needed to allow a little adversity in my life because as long as things are trucking along according to plan, I tend to neglect truly seeking Him. (It's strange how the moments when I'm at the end of my rope are the sweetest because those are the moments I get to experience Him as my comfort and peace.) I don't know His reasons, but I don't need to. I don't have to question what He's doing or why because I know that He knows what's best much better than I do. And nothing happens without His permission. To quote my friend Melissa, "He's got this thing rigged."

It amazes me what peace it brings to know that God is both completely trustworthy and completely in control. Today a friend texted me and said, "Man, things really aren't going your way lately." And I realized that while this month seems to have been a series of unfortunate events, God has transformed every frustration into something good. What started as an unexpected major home repair became a "Designed to Sell" project. What could have become a seed of bitterness turned into an opportunity to share about God's grace and provision. And this condo that I've been so desperate to get out of is the soon-to-be location of a weekly Bible study with some precious high school girls. God handed me some lemons so that I could watch Him make strawberry lemonade. (He knows that's my favorite.)

Romans 8:28 doesn't feel so cliché any more.

Nothing like a little perspective...

2010-08-21T11:25:00.001-05:00

to start off your Saturday morning.

Where do you stand compared to the world's wealthiest people? Click here to find out. Then check out my friend Kelly's insightful post.

Thanks for the reminder, Kel. Miss you, friend.

I left my heart in Africa.

2010-08-14T00:47:00.106-05:00

In more ways than one.

I had chosen the title of this post before I ever left the ship. That was two months ago. I knew I would miss Africa, and I thought that leaving my heart there would make for a dramatic, must-read title. :)  But I never found the words. I still don't have them. How do you communicate the mixed emotions of returning home from a place that has been home for the last ten months? I mean, am I supposed to be happy or sad? Will I hurt my family's feelings if I tell them I wish I was in Africa? (Because I often do.) When I don't wish I was in Africa (like or hate it, America certainly has its perks), should I feel guilty? Where do I really want to be anyway?

I left the ship with one goal, two fears, and a prayer in mind. Goal: pay down the loan on my condo as quickly as possible so that I can sell it and be free to move wherever. Fears: that I would either (1) become so comfortable in my happy little suburban lifestyle that I'd lose sight of the goal to pay down the condo, or (2) go so far to the opposite extreme that I viewed this time at home as simply a means to an end, rather than a season in which God has a purpose for me HERE. And the prayer: that God would guard me from those two extremes.

But something worse happened: I left my heart in Africa.  You know, the one I thought had changed while I was there.

Romans 12:2 keeps echoing. "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world..."

Conform.

Like a chameleon.

When I was in Africa, I conformed. Surrounded by "missionaries," I conformed to the mindset that material possessions don't determine worth. That people will still love you if there's a stain on your shirt, you wear sandals without painting your toenails, and your hair becomes larger than life after a few minutes outside during rainy season. That there is a world out there with much bigger problems than an outdated cell phone, and there are more important ways to spend your life than sitting by the pool. That pursuing an intimate relationship with God is more valuable, more life-giving, than anything this world has to offer.

Not bad things to conform to. But that's not what God asks us to do. "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—His good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2

I didn't transform, at least not fully. I mostly conformed. I know that because I now feel the need to update my wardrobe, and buy new toenail polish, and work on my tan. And heaven forbid I use a flip phone.

Before you think I've gone all legalistic on you, I don't think there's anything wrong with toenail polish, or hip cell phones, or cute clothes.  I'm just saying my focus is off. My pattern is worldly. It's all about me and my little world.  If I'm honest, the real problem is I haven't prayed, as in really-truly-pursued-Him prayed, since I've been home. I've spent more time running (in more ways than one).

Ordinarily, I'd wait to post this until I'd come out of it. Repented. So that I could write it in past tense. Because you know, that's not how I am; it's how I was.

Since I'm clearly on a roll with the verbs lesson (sorry...English teacher...bear with me), I just noticed something else in that verse.

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—His good, pleasing and perfect will."

"Conform" is active. It's something we do. "Be transformed," on the other hand, is passive. It's something we allow to be done to us. I can't transform myself, but I can be transformed.

Well, that's a relief. Because I really don't want to be a conformer, a chameleon. But I'm stuck. I guess that's why the Bible calls it the "pattern of this world." It's a pattern. And patterns are hard to break.

What can I do? How do I stop conforming and be transformed? I had to back up a verse to find out.

"Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship." Romans 12:1

Sacrifice. Me. Just as I am.  Pink toenails and all.

Hold me accountable, friends.

*Little morning addition to my late night post: God DID change my heart while I was there. I know that because while I may still act like a chameleon sometimes, He's taught me to recognize it when I do. He's taught me that the pattern of this world is empty and lifeless and unfulfilling.   And he's taught me that I don't have to live that way. There IS something better.  It doesn't matter if I'm in Africa or America--true life is found in HIM.  "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I have come that they might have LIFE, and have it abundantly." John 10:10

Oh, and Tommy, you're right. I think maybe God likes pink toenails. :)

The Day My Babies Came to Visit

2010-06-21T20:34:00.000-05:00

This is actually an old post. I had saved it as a draft on June 7th and forgotten about it. I decided just to post it as is, rather than try to go back and edit the time frame. Gosh, I miss this!

Last Wednesday the kids that we tutor from the YWAM house came to visit the ship. It was so fun to be able to invite our friends to our "home."

waiting for visitor passes

seeing my classroom

YWAM kids with my 4th and 5th grade class

group photo outside the academy

juice and cookies

Lukman

Claude and Shalom

tour of the bridge

group photo on deck 7

in front of the ship

me with Shalom and Claude, the kids I tutor on Monday nights

A bientot! See you soon!

Beauty

2010-06-15T09:50:00.000-05:00

Mooching again...

"Beauty" by Jenn. You don't want to miss this one.

Should I give up, or should I just keep chasin' pavement...

2010-06-05T19:50:00.004-05:00

even if it leads nowhere?

We couldn't stop laughing when "Chasing Pavement" started playing on Kelly's iPod just past the halfway point of our trek across Togo two weeks ago. I'm not sure why we thought it would be a good idea to attempt to walk 35 miles without stopping, but let's be honest, how often do you get to say you walked across an entire country in a day? One group from the ship had already tried and failed, so that made the challenge all the more enticing.

The plan: touch the Ghana border, walk across Togo, touch the Benin border. We named it the Trans Togo Trek. (I know, we're dorks.)

leaving the ship at 4:45 a.m.

starting out at the border of Ghana--5:10 a.m.

from left: Estelle, Kelly, me, Jenn, Ben, Liz, and Tim

(Jenn, Liz and Tim just started with us so that we'd have a big group before dawn. They walked back to the ship shortly after sunrise.)

My friend Murray offered to drive a "support vehicle" alongside us for safety and, of course, water breaks. He took some really cool photos along the way.

And then there were three...Estelle dropped out just shy of halfway because of blisters.

the African coast...beautiful, isn't it?

halfway!!!

palm trees along the road

Tampico break

We reached the marathon mark!

shirt change--Ben decided to change jerseys as we got closer to each country. He started wearing a Ghana jersey, changed into a Togo jersey about a third of the way through, and then switched to a Benin jersey for the last leg of the trek.

still in good spirits at this point

Ok, this is about where we renamed the trip the Trans Togo Trudge. Our favorite lines, "How much longer?" "Um, I think maybe just another hour and a half." We seemed to say that, oh, about every hour and a half.

some beautiful scenery to brighten up the last 2 miles

Hi from the bridge, just on the outskirts of the border town. We think we can...we think we can.

almost to Benin!

We made it!!! We reached the Benin border at 5:30 p.m.

No, that's not a sock tan. That's the line between our dirty legs and our white feet. I'm not sure how Kelly's legs were the dirtiest when she was the only one wearing pants.

I've never been one to do stupid things just to say I did, but I think this may be the beginning of a new habit. We had so much fun, and it was a great way to see the countryside. (I also gained an appreciation for why boys are proud of their "battle scars." I have a bruise underneath my toenail from our little adventure, and I refuse to paint my toenails so that I can watch it turn colors. I think I gained cool teacher points from my fifth grade boys for that...ha.) Besides being one of the stupidest things I've ever done, the Trans Togo Trek will undoubtedly be one of my favorite memories from Togo.

Embarrassing the Brother

2010-05-17T16:34:00.002-05:00

Ryan is probably going to kill me for posting this. He'll just have to get over it.

I missed his college graduation on Saturday, and I got a little teary looking at the pictures.

Handsome, isn't he? Yeah, I think so too.

Mom, Ryan, and Dad

Love you, Brother! Wish I could've been there. (And War Eagle!)

Long Division and the Gospel

2010-04-27T18:05:00.006-05:00

It was a half-hearted prayer. Words spoken more out of habit and duty than sincerity and love. To be quite honest, I was perfectly content to continue riding in silence, contemplating my own life in my own little bubble. But we were on our way to Monday night tutoring. That meant we were supposed to pray. So it went something like this: Lord, please bless our time with these children tonight. Please help us be able to help them with their work, despite the language barrier. Please help them see Your love through us tonight, and help us be able to share Christ with them. In Jesus' name, Amen.

By "them," I meant...

And my friends Shalom and Claude...

Every Monday night, I go with three other girls to tutor a group of neighborhood kids through a ministry called YWAM (Youth With A Mission). The YWAM staff opens their home to these children every night to assist with homework and provide basic tutoring. Some of the children are orphans; others simply have no one at home who is able or available to help them with their school work. It has become a highlight of my week, but as you can see from the beginning of this post, my heart isn't always where it needs to be before we arrive.

But God's always is.

Last night Shalom, Claude, and I were working through their math practice book like we usually do. It looks like this:

You may not be able to tell from the picture, but it's in French. Do I speak French? Not so much. My conversation in French last night was the equivalent of the following translated into English: "You eat today?...I eat spaghetti...You favorite?...This Mercy Ship (Shalom was examining my ID badge)...I sleep on the ship. Ship is my house." Yeah, I'm almost as fluent as Tarzan. The idea of me tutoring them is comical to say the least. And last night we conquered long division. (If you've ever tried to teach long division to any child, you've probably already recognized this as answered prayer number one.)

Then something really cool happened. I always bring a bag of resources from the ship. When their homework is complete, Shalom and Claude love to make games out of the flash cards or read one of the books. Last night, Claude chose a book about the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus. We started to read, and Claude seemed really interested in the pictures. I pulled our translator Nestor over to help me have a "real" conversation with Claude, and I asked, "Do you know why Jesus died?"

"No," Claude said. And then came answered prayer number two.

In simplistic, messily-translated sentences, I was able to share with Claude that we all do wrong things.  Jesus never did anything wrong, but He died to take the punishment for the wrong things we've done. After He died, He rose again--God brought Him back to life! Because He died, we are able to ask God to forgive us for the wrong things we've done.

"Compris?" I asked. (Understand?)

"Yes," he said.

It wasn't a perfect presentation of the Gospel. I didn't quote Scripture. I didn't even begin to explain sin, its consequences, or the gift of eternal life through faith in Christ.  But I don't doubt for a second that if God can use a tired, distracted, self-centered teacher--who didn't feel like praying and who barely speaks a lick of French--to share why Jesus came, He will certainly continue to reveal Himself to this precious little boy.

I'm so thankful for a God who hears and answers our prayers, even the half-hearted ones.  When we least deserve to be used, He proves that it isn't about us being worthy, equipped, or even motivated to be used in the first place.  He had a plan for Claude last night, and He wasn't about to let me get in the way of it.

"I know that You can do all things. No plan of Yours can be thwarted." ~Job 42:2

El Qanna: My Jealous God

2010-04-18T10:51:00.018-05:00

He says His name is Jealous.

"Do not worship any other god, for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God." ~Exodus 34:14

God loves me. Sure, I know that. I mean I've sung the words since childhood. Love just has so many different definitions in English. Although I could've quoted Scriptures to the contrary, for far too long I've pictured God's love as more of a far off compassion--merciful but somewhat detached. In my better moments, I've understood that He loves like me like a father loves a child. "As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear Him; for He knows how we are formed, He remembers that we are dust." ~Psalm 103:13-14. I'm thankful for my sweet daddy. My relationship with him helps me understand God's fatherly love for me.

God IS my Father. But He isn't JUST my Father. The Bible also says that I am His bride, and He is my Husband. "For your Maker is your Husband—the LORD Almighty is His name—the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; He is called the God of all the earth." ~Isaiah 54:5

Wow. That's a pretty tough concept to grasp, especially considering I've never been married. They say you can't fully understand the sacrifice God made when He allowed Jesus to be crucified until you've been a parent yourself, and I'm sure the same applies to understanding the symbolism of marriage in revealing God's love for us. But even in my limited understanding, this kind of love has stolen my heart in recent days.

He says I am the apple of His eye. "For this is what the LORD Almighty says: 'After He has honored me and has sent me against the nations that have plundered you—for whoever touches you touches the apple of His eye.'" ~Zechariah 2:8

He says that He rejoices over me. "As a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you." ~Isaiah 62:5b

He says that even though I have forgotten Him for other lovers, He will pursue me with His love. "'Therefore, behold, I will allure her, bring her into the wilderness, and speak kindly to her...and it will come about in that day,' declares the LORD, 'That you will call me Ishi (husband) and will no longer call Me Baali (master)...and I will betroth you to Me forever; Yes, I will betroth you to Me in righteousness and in justice, in lovingkindness and in compassion, and I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness. Then you will know the LORD.'" ~Hosea 2: 14, 16, 19-20

Betrothed in righteousness, in justice, in lovingkindness, in compassion, and in faithfulness. BETROTHED. I am His. "I am my beloved's, and His desire is for me." Song of Solomon 7:10

It's this kind of love that makes Him jealous for my affection. "This is what the LORD Almighty says: "I am very jealous for Zion; I am burning with jealousy for her." ~Zechariah 8:2

He burns with a holy jealousy because of His LOVE for me. "Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame." ~Song of Solomon 8:6

That's why He doesn't want my heartless obedience; He wants my heart. "The LORD says: 'These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is made up only of rules taught by men.'" ~Isaiah 29:13

His love for me is perfect--unchanging, unending, unfathomable. How is it possible that I--the one who doesn't even deserve to be acknowledged, much less adored, by this God--am the one who runs from Him? It seems crazy! Yet it is the story of my life, and yours. So what is a Husband to do with His unfaithful bride? Divorce her? Disown her?

No, deliver her.

Even at the cost of His own life. "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her; that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she should be holy and blameless." ~Ephesians 5:25-27

Pretty amazing, isn't it? The God who made the universe not only knows my name, not only calls me Daughter, He calls me His beloved bride. The apple of His eye. The one for whom He gave His life.

Capture my heart with Your love, O God. Make me a woman worthy to be called Your bride.

Kenya!

2010-04-11T17:08:00.005-05:00

Last weekend our academy staff flew to Kenya for a teaching conference. (Now that's something I never thought I'd say!) We applied for a grant and fundraised the rest of the money to attend the ACSI (Association of Christian Schools International) International Christian Educators Conference in Kijabe, Kenya. The conference was incredible because it applied what we know to be best practice in education through a Biblical context. In a sense, it was the missing piece to the "why we do what we do." Rather than ramble on about that though, as I'm sure most people who read my blog would rather skip on the teacher-talk, I'll just post some of my favorite pictures from the trip. (Total side note--is it weird that I just looked back on the word "favorite" in that sentence because my mind initially registered it as incorrect? I'm getting used to seeing it as "favourite." Ha.)

Here we are waiting for our transport to the airport in Accra, Ghana. We had just walked with all of our luggage across the border of Togo into Ghana.

Estelle and I (you can barely see us) underneath the "Smile. You're in Kenya." sign at the airport in Nairobi.

an advertisement on the window of our bus from Nairobi to Kijabe

the Rift Valley...breath-taking, isn't it?

I met two girls from Birmingham at the conference! Allison (beside me) graduated from Vestavia High School with several of my good friends, and Lindsey (right) just graduated from Auburn! It really is a small world.

our academy staff all dressed up and ready for the closing banquet

Estelle! (Don't ask.)

Watch out for that mountain lion!

And NEVER let a monkey lick you!

Do you understand now why I love working for MSA? We have SO much fun working together...perhaps too much fun at times! :)

my co-worker, cabin-mate, and good friend Amy

Estelle and I came out matching almost exactly. It was NOT planned. What was even funnier (or perhaps more embarrassing) was that we roomed together on the trip and didn't even notice that we had on matching outfits until everyone started teasing us!

Estelle, Danae, me, and Amy (Estelle changed her scarf so that we didn't look so conspicuous!)

the leader of the tribe that danced for us at the final worship service

tribal song and dance

Kenya is now one of my favorite African nations. I hope one day I'll have a chance to go back and see more of this beautiful country!

Miracle on the Ward

2010-04-08T12:51:00.001-05:00

For the past two days, the whole ship has been talking about the miracle that happened in the hospital on Tuesday night. I wasn't there to see it, so it's probably best if I let my friend Ali share the amazing story of what God did for Baby Obre.

It is finished.

2010-04-04T09:01:00.002-05:00

Throughout the course of this week, Jewish families around the world have celebrated Passover to remember how God rescued His people from slavery in Egypt. During the seven days of Passover, God commands His people to eat only unleavened bread (Exodus 13:6-7). Leaven is used in the Bible to represent sin (Leviticus 2:11, Luke 12: 1, 1 Corinthians 5:7-8).

At each Passover meal that took place this week, it was likely that three pieces of matzah (unleavened bread) were wrapped in a blanket in the center of the table. Early in the dinner, the center piece of matzah was broken in half and hidden for the children to find at the end. This hidden piece is called the afikomen, a Greek word which means "dessert," "that which comes after," "the hidden one," or "I came." The hiding of the Afikomen is a tradition that is nowhere commanded in Scripture, yet it has been a part of Jewish culture for thousands of years. Many often wonder, Why are there three pieces of matzah inside the blanket instead of just one? Could they be symbolic of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob? Furthermore, why is it the middle one that is broken?

Jesus shared a Passover meal with His disciples. Christians traditionally call it the Last Supper. "And when He had taken bread and given thanks, He broke it and gave it to them, saying, 'This is My body which is given for you; do this in remembrance of Me.'" ~Luke 22:19

This is matzah, the special bread used for Passover. It's different from ordinary bread because...

It is unleavened, without sin.
It is striped.
It is pierced.

"But he was pierced for our transgressions,

he was crushed for our iniquities;

the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,

and by his stripes we are healed.

We all, like sheep, have gone astray,

each of us has turned to his own way;

and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all.

He was oppressed and afflicted,

yet he did not open his mouth;

he was led like a lamb to the slaughter,

and as a sheep before her shearers is silent,

so he did not open his mouth.

By oppression and judgment he was taken away.

And who can speak of his descendants?

For he was cut off from the land of the living;

for the transgression of my people he was stricken.

He was assigned a grave with the wicked,

and with the rich in his death,

though he had done no violence,

nor was any deceit in his mouth.

Yet it was the LORD's will to crush him and cause him to suffer,

and though the LORD makes his life a guilt offering,

he will see his offspring and prolong his days,

and the will of the LORD will prosper in his hand.

After the suffering of his soul,

he will see the light of life and be satisfied;

by his knowledge my righteous servant will justify many,

and he will bear their iniquities.

Therefore I will give him a portion among the great,

and he will divide the spoils with the strong,

because he poured out his life unto death,

and was numbered with the transgressors.

For he bore the sin of many,

and made intercession for the transgressors."

~Isaiah 53: 5-12

An interesting thing happened that Passover day, 2000 years ago. After the high priest offered the sacrificial lamb in the temple, he said, "It is finished." At that moment, another High Priest was offering Himself as the Passover Lamb. "Therefore when Jesus had received the sour wine, He said, 'It is finished!'And He bowed His head and gave up His spirit." ~John 19:30

This time, it really was finished. "For Christ did not enter a holy place made with hands, a mere copy of the true one, but into heaven itself, now to appear in the presence of God for us; nor was it that He would offer Himself often, as the high priest enters the holy place year by year with blood that is not his own. Otherwise, He would have needed to suffer often since the foundation of the world; but now once at the consummation of the ages He has been manifested to put away sin by the sacrifice of Himself. And inasmuch as it is appointed for men to die once and after this comes judgment, so Christ also, having been offered once to bear the sins of many, will appear a second time for salvation without reference to sin, to those who eagerly await Him." ~Hebrews 9:24-28

Why is that possible? Because it didn't end with the cross! Jesus, our High Priest, our Passover Lamb, did not stay in the grave! Instead His children found their Afikomen--the unleavened bread of life that was pierced, striped, and broken for my sin and yours--alive and well outside the empty tomb! (John 20:1-18)

Thank you, Jesus, for Your sacrifice.

When Poverty Hits Home

2010-04-01T07:32:00.000-05:00

My good friend Becca is one of the nurses on our ship. Every day, she is able to watch people's lives being transformed through physical, emotional, and spiritual healing. In the midst of this, though, she also sees firsthand the devastating effects of poverty. Last week, one of the much-loved little ones being treated in our hospital passed away from malnutrition. Losing a child for any reason is tragic and heart-wrenching, but losing a child to poverty? There really are no words. Click here to read as Becca shares Baby Anicette's story.

All About Relationship

2010-03-10T10:17:00.001-06:00

You know God is trying to teach you something when He keeps showing you the same thing from all different directions. A few days ago I had written about desiring to seek God in decisions...as in not just seek an answer from Him, but really seek HIM. Yesterday I was emailing back and forth with my friend Kimi, and she told me about her pastor's sermon this weekend at Keystone Church. Kimi's prayer for herself is that she "will not try to BE like Jesus, but that I will let Jesus BE in me. The same power that conquered the grave lives in me, and trying to be like Jesus only leads to either pride (if we succeed for a while) or frustration (I’ll never get this right)."

Her words reminded me of Colossians 1:27: "To them [the saints] God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory."

The hope of glory.  In ourselves, we have no hope of glory. That's why, in Kimi's words, our efforts to BE like Jesus only lead to pride or frustration.  We cannot simply choose to BE like Jesus. We aren't like Jesus. Still, we strive and we stress and we think that if we just try harder, maybe next time we will get it right. We ask God what He wants us to DO, and what does He say?

"I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in Him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing." ~John 15:5

abide--to remain, continue, stay with, dwell

Abide in Him.   Him in me. Hmm...

Christ in me. The hope of glory.

Last night I decided to re-listen to one of my favorite sermons by my pastor from home (David Platt, The Church at Brook Hills). I remembered that at the time, this message had given me a different perspective on Biblical decision-making, but I had forgotten most of the major points. As I listened, I realized he was talking about the exact same thing that Kimi had mentioned earlier. (Imagine that, right?)  In the sermon, David discusses all of the contemporary (and often comical) methods we try to use to determine God's will for our lives. His conclusion? "These methods miss the point of a relationship with God." A few of my favorite quotes:

God is more passionate about you knowing His will than you are...God desires for me to follow His will so much that He lives in me to accomplish it.
The will of God is not a roadmap; it is a relationship where Christ overtakes our will to become one with His as we trust in His Word.
What if our job is not to figure out what God's will is and do it for Him? What if we day by day trust Christ to live in us?
Knowing God's will is secondary to simply knowing God.
Experiencing, following the will of God is not a passive journey, where we just sit back and wait for Him to show us something; it's an active journey, we were are constantly taking the will of God that has been revealed to us and walking in it, and obeying it...When you don't know what to do, do what you know to do.
Quote from Adrian Rogers: "The way to find God's will for the rest of your life is to do God's will for the next 15 minutes."
David's Constant Prayer: "God, I pray that today, now, you would lead me to the people, places, and positions where I can most effectively make disciples of all nations."
If I am seeking after Him and saying, "God, I want to follow Your will right here, right now," and doing that, I'm confident that wherever I am five, ten, fifteen, forty years from now, I'll be exactly where God wants me to be. Not because I trust myself but because I trust Christ in me to accomplish what He has created me for.

"For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose." ~Philippians 2:13

It all goes back to that, doesn't it? Christ in me. Christ in you.

Sometimes, it feels easier to ask for a roadmap. If I'm really honest, sometimes that's all I want. But I'm starting to learn that when I ask for a roadmap, I miss the relationship. And I'm starting to learn that the relationship is so much better.

If you have time, I would highly encourage you to listen to the rest of David's sermon for yourself. All of his sermons are available free on video or podcast. For the message referenced above, click here, choose between video or audio, and then select "The Disciple's Will" from 10/21/2007.

"Enyo Gangi"

2010-03-09T12:27:00.000-06:00

Another mooch from Ali's blog. Just read it. Trust me.

Free to Live (Revised)

2010-03-08T09:14:00.008-06:00

"If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from His love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others."

Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
but made Himself nothing,
taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a man,
He humbled Himself
and became obedient to death—
even death on a cross!" ~Philippians 2:1-8

I wonder how my life would be different if it weren't all about ME. MY desires. MY decisions. MY day. I'm discovering more and more that life is a whole lot more interesting, more joyful, more free, when I take the focus off myself. The problem is, I'm not very good at taking the focus off myself.

"What a wretched [woman] I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!" ~Romans 7:24

The world says to look out for number one, but what a self-destructive path that is. What an empty, lifeless world is the one that revolves around ME. Over and over, God is teaching me that He came to give us LIFE. Real life. An adventure into unexpected grace.

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I have come that they might have life, and have it abundantly." ~John 10:10

Not a life absent of trouble, but a life of peace in the midst of uncertainty, joy in the midst of heartache.

"Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." ~Matthew 11:28-30

But I can't have both at the same time. I've tried that, and it doesn't work. I have to choose. My life or His?

"We've got to stop preaching this gospel that says you can add Jesus to your life. What the gospel teaches is you lose your life and then you find it. You sacrifice everything and Jesus says, 'I offer you something better.' " ~Francis Chan.

"Then He said to them all: 'If anyone would come after Me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow Me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for Me will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self?'" ~Luke 9:23-25

"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me." ~Galatians 2:20

"Our old body of sin, the nature that must seek its own way, the person who is hopelessly depraved and resigned to failure, hangs limp on the cross. Raised in its place is the Spirit of the Living God poured into a temple of flesh so that God's presence will remain among men...Oh, that we would not cling to the things of our old body of sin. It is nothing but a decaying carcass. I have been crucified with Christ. I no longer live but Christ lives in me." ~Beth Moore on Galations 2:20

Lord, set me free from the captivity of self. I'm weary of ME. Replace me with YOU. For in You and You alone is the path of life.

My Sentiments Exactly

2010-03-07T09:41:00.001-06:00

Time for another blog mooch! My friend Ali just shared about how it feels to live "next to Africa" during the Togolese elections. I can totally relate. Read her post "Elections from Afar" or check out her all of her insightful thought's at Ali's African Adventure.

Enough

2010-03-06T10:36:00.004-06:00

All of You is more than enough for all of me
For every thirst and every need
You satisfy me with Your love
And all I have in You is more than enough

You are my supply
My breath of life
And still more awesome than I know
You are my reward
Worth living for
And still more awesome than I know

All of You is more than enough for all of me
For every thirst and every need
You satisfy me with Your love
And all I have in You is more than enough

You’re my sacrifice
Of greatest price
And still more awesome than I know
You’re the coming King
You are everything
And still more awesome than I know

More than all I want
More than all I need
You are more than enough for me
More than all I know
More than all I can say
You are more than enough for me

*Lyrics to "Enough" by Chris Tomlin

I think I may have asked for this.

2010-03-05T14:18:00.005-06:00

I remember thinking sometime around November that my life was too easy. I had been talking to a friend who was going through a rough time and thought about how God would probably use this to draw her closer to Him. It suddenly hit me that I had drifted to a place of stagnancy. I hadn't felt God in a while because I hadn't really sought Him. I remembered the times in the past few months when I had really experienced His presence and work in my life. They had been the times when I was struggling with something and had to be totally dependent on Him. Although I'm not sure I verbalized a prayer, I know I at least thought that I needed to be shaken up a bit.

Then I forgot about it. But God didn't.

The past three months have been a gradual build-up of unknowns for me. Probably the biggest issues have involved the condo I own back home. A lesson learned in rash and prayerless decisions, it has been nothing but trouble since I decided to move to Africa. I won’t go into all the little details (there are way too many), but it has been enough to cause what I feel is an unfair burden to my parents, and enough to make me prayerfully consider whether I need to stay in Africa for a second year or come home at the end of this school year.

I HATE decisions. Especially life changing ones. The only contingency to my two-year commitment to Mercy Ships has been the condo, and the issues with it just seem to be escalating from all angles. I don’t know whether to say it is spiritual warfare--a means to confuse me into returning home too early--or if God’s intention was to use that contingency to lead me home next year.

Did I mention I hate decisions? Let's just reiterate that fact for a moment.

But as much as I hate decisions, as much as I wish God would send me a quick email telling me exactly what to do, I’m seeing that He is using this process to reveal what He has already done in my heart and what He is doing right now. He’s shown me areas where He has broken down strongholds in my life that had been there for years, things that I had buried and hidden but in my heart was afraid I would never truly get past. I’m too prideful to air my dirty laundry to the entire internet world, but I will say He allowed these circumstances to uproot what I had buried and bring it to the surface, and through that process He showed me clearly that I no longer need to fear the power of these strongholds.

And as for the spiritual warfare? Oh, I definitely think it’s a part of this process. Whether Satan is trying to confuse me into going home when I shouldn’t, I don’t know. What I do know is this: he is doing everything in his power to distract me from TODAY.

You see, while the decision for where I will be next year needs to be made soon, it’s not absolutely necessary that it be made today. I saw so clearly last summer that God is perfectly capable of directing my steps, even when I have no idea what to do. He has shown me over and over again that His timing is perfect, sometimes later than I think I’d prefer, but in the end, well worth the wait and ALWAYS better than what I had planned for myself. Yet somehow my analytical, can-you-please-just-tell-me-what-to-do-now brain forgets that He is in control of tomorrow and only asks me to walk with Him TODAY.

“Give us today our daily bread” (Matthew 6:11).

“Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these will be added to you. So do not worry about tomorrow, for each day has enough trouble of its own” (Matthew 6:33-34).

TODAY, God wants me to experience His presence, His peace, and His joy in my life. TODAY, He wants me to be so filled with His love and grace that it overflows to those around me. TODAY, He wants me to have my eyes open for opportunities to encourage others. If I am so busy trying to figure out tomorrow, I totally miss out on the gift of TODAY.

“The thief comes only to kill and steal and destroy. I have come that they might have LIFE, and have it more abundantly” (John 10:10).

One way I know God is working on me is that a few years ago (who am I kidding, LAST SUMMER), I wouldn’t have recognized that the enemy’s goal was to steal my todays. In moments of indecision, I always acted as though the decision was the end and not the means. My desire was only for direction, not so much for the Director. Now, I’m still asking Him to show me the way I should go. I’m still asking Him to guide my steps. I’m still asking Him to give me Scriptures that apply to this situation and the wisdom to rightly apply them. I’m still asking Him give my hesitant, uncertain heart repeated confirmations. BUT…amidst those prayers, I’m asking just simply for HIM. I’m asking to feel His presence. I’m asking to know His heart. I’m asking to have eyes to see the situation as He sees it. I’m asking Him to help me not be distracted by this decision and miss out on abiding with Him and loving others TODAY. And I realize that if I have HIM, the answer to my question of what I should do isn’t really all that important. He will work all of that out in His perfect timing. HE is all the answer that I need.

And you know what? I think that may be at least part of His purpose in shaking me up a bit. So no, I don’t regret asking for it. :)

Pray for Togo

2010-03-04T06:07:00.000-06:00

Togo hosts presidential elections today. Please pray that the people of Togo will have a smooth democratic election today and peace within the country over the next few weeks.

My African Romance

2010-03-02T15:24:00.011-06:00

In some ways, moving to another country is like a budding romance. In a relationship, everything feels new and exciting at first. You can't wait to share even the most minute details about the other person with whoever is willing to listen. You feel the need to take pictures of every experience together because you want capture each moment and never forget.

And then one day something changes. You wake up and realize you have nothing better to talk about than coffee creamer and popcorn. (You need to have read my last post to get that.) I joke, but the reality is that at some point all lasting relationships simply become "normal." You can't stay in the sleepless, can't-stop-thinking-about-‘em, butterfly infatuation forever. Hopefully, what replaces the constant butterflies is a comfortable, right-where-I-need-to-be feeling of being at home with the other person.

I'm now at home with Africa. I love it so much more than I did when we first met. But I no longer snap pictures at every corner. I'm no longer awestruck by the minute details, nor do I feel the need to chatter about them to anyone who will listen. I'm in the comfortable, right-where-I-need-to-be place.

As thankful as I am for the contentment of this season, I'm sorry that this normalcy has led to less blogging. I want to get back into the habit of sharing about this love, this life, with you. Starting now…

For my first few months in Benin, I was adjusting to so many things at once just on the ship: being thousands of miles away from family and friends, living with over 400 people from around the world, living on a SHIP, sharing tiny living quarters with strangers, and starting a new job. I never realized it then, but I was so focused on adjusting to ship life that, in many ways, I missed out on knowing Africa. It was really only at the end of our Benin outreach that I felt a true desire to make Africa my home, not just the ship.

That has all been different in Togo. From the moment we arrived, I was impatient to build relationships within the local community. Instead of viewing an African church as a place to visit to see how people from another culture worship, I want to call a local body of believers my church family. In Benin, I participated sporadically in a few different off-ship ministries; now I’m committed to tutoring a small group of neighborhood kids every Monday night. And I absolutely love it.

I can’t wait to share more about my church and the kids I am tutoring. Since this blog post is already turning into a novel, I’ll save that for later. Until then, here are a few pictures from my first three weeks in Togo.

Pictures from Eglise Mission Church of Christ (my new church family)...

the congregation (taken by a friend seated behind the pastor)

women dancing during worship

worship band playing the African drums

After the service, someone from Mercy Ships presented boxes of clothes and toys from a church in Tenerife.

the children holding up their new toys

new toys!

A few pictures of the city (taken from the top of a roof)...

More to come soon...

Containers make me happy.

2010-03-01T17:30:00.012-06:00

It has become apparent to me in recent days that I have developed four very odd addictions on the ship:

peanut butter and jelly sandwiches
cinnamon toast
coffee with French vanilla powdered creamer
microwave popcorn

Why addictions? Well, take this past Saturday for instance. Hot lunches aren't served on Saturdays and Sundays on the ship, so we are responsible for packing a lunch at breakfast.  For me, this typically means PB & J and an apple. Last Friday though, croissants were served at breakfast, and I had the unprecedented foresight to save one for Saturday lunch with some cheddar cheese and deli sliced roast beef. As I sat with some friends on Saturday with my "gourmet" lunch, I found myself envying my friend's soft and delicious peanut butter with strawberry jam on wheat.

Sad, isn't it?

So you can imagine my despair as my stash of French vanilla coffee creamer and microwave popcorn, which accompanied me from the Trussville Walmart all the way to Africa after my time at home for Christmas, began to approach its end.  I considered asking my mom to ship me a package, but it seemed wasteful considering the cost of shipping would turn a less-than-$2 item into around $10.  I decided I could survive on coffee with sugar and milch (the next best thing to milk), and I could just increase my consumption of cinnamon toast to make up for the lack of popcorn (kidding).

Then something wonderful happened...the container arrived today!  For those of you who haven't experienced the blessing that is a container, the container is a giant, trailer-sized metal box filled with goodies from our international operations center in Texas.  We eagerly await one about every 6 weeks. Guess what was inside this particular container? Microwave popcorn AND French vanilla coffee creamer!!!

It was a happy, happy, HAPPY day. :)

Togolese Church

2010-02-28T12:29:00.003-06:00

Ok so I guess I'm becoming a blog mooch. I keep running across blog posts that my friends have written and wanting everyone else to read them too. I'm going to have to do it again.

This morning I found my new church home for my time here in Togo. I could expound upon the vibrant worship, grace-filled message, and open-armed welcome we received from our Togolese brothers and sisters, but I just don't think I could say it as well as my friend Jenn already has. So, please don't stop reading as I close this post. Please click here to read her humorous and insightful thoughts on our worship time this morning. If you're anything like me, you won't want to read just that post; you'll want to read the rest of her thoughts at When I grow up I want to be a nurse in Africa...or a ballerina.

I needed that.

2010-02-25T15:53:00.001-06:00

My friend Megan wrote a very insightful blog post today, and I was so thankful to run across it tonight because it was just what I needed to hear. (I love it when God does that!) My guess is that there are probably others out there who might need to hear it too. Check it out by clicking here. (You can read all of Megan's posts on her blog, Finding Joy.)

Togo!

2010-02-10T17:31:00.010-06:00

We’re here!!! I’m so excited to finally be in Togo! Praise the Lord for a safe sail and arrival! We saw our first glimpse of land this morning and pulled into port around 10:30 a.m.

Danae and I waiting to dock

five of my students with their Togolese flags

Togolese people welcoming us to the dock

They were playing an African worship song, "You Are the Most High God."

Becca, Leah, and me...so glad to be here!

Because this is a new country, I thought I’d give you a bit of an overview. Togo is located in West Africa between Ghana and Benin. It’s the tiny yellow country in the map below.

Capital: Lomé
Population: 6,031,808
Language: French
Religion: African traditional religions (mainly voodoo) 70%, Christian 20%, Muslim 10%

If you want to learn more, check out Togo on the CIA World Factbook at https://www.cia.gov/library/publications/the-world-factbook/geos/to.html

Our Purpose for Being Here
Just like in Benin, our primary ministry in Togo will be the hospital. We hope to begin screening patients next week, and the first surgery is scheduled for the 26th. An off-ship eye clinic and dental clinic will soon be up and running as well. During the six months we will be in Togo, the doctors will provide care for the following: cleft lip and palate, cataract removal, maxillofacial tumors, orthopedics, and VVF repair, as well as general surgery, dental, and eye care.

Another goal for this outreach is to focus more attention on training local professionals. Local doctors will work alongside Mercy Ships doctors to learn the skills necessary to perform the surgeries themselves. Outside of the hospital, Mercy Ships crew will train local workers in agriculture and construction. Our goal is to invest in the people of Togo in such a way that they can continue to provide healing and change for their own country long after our ship is gone.

Of course, the overall purpose of our mission is to be the hands and feet of Jesus for the people of Togo. Please pray that our actions will be a witness that will create opportunities to share the gospel.

An Important Prayer Request
On February 28th, Togo will hold a presidential election. Please pray that the 2010 election will be fair and peaceful for the people of Togo. Please pray that no problems arise that could delay or slow our outreach here. Thank you so much for your prayers!

Ok, I'm done. Goodnight from Togo! :)

Westerly Swells

2010-02-02T13:58:00.018-06:00

This is my classroom.

This is my classroom after a rough night at sea.

It's a good thing child labor laws don't apply on the Africa Mercy.

My students' reaction to skipping the first lesson to clean...

My classroom was nothing. You should've seen the galley! I barely peaked in the door, but I could smell the souring milk (oh 'xcuse me, milch) from the hallway. Rumor had it there was a giant "pancake potential" covering the floor.

Ah, life on a ship. Sometimes you've just gotta go with the flow. Literally.

Sailing again!

2010-01-31T09:18:00.012-06:00

"This is what the LORD says—

He who made a way through the sea,

a path through the mighty waters...

Forget the former things;

do not dwell on the past.

See, I am doing a new thing!

Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?

I am making a way in the desert

and streams in the wasteland."

Isaiah 43: 16, 18-19

These verses spoke volumes to my heart today as we began our sail to Togo. As I read through some old journal entries this morning, I began to see how much God has changed me in the last few months, and I wasn't even aware of it. I am not the person I was just one year ago. My desires are different. My perspective is different. My faith is different. See, He is doing a new thing! Little by little, He is carving streams in places that were once wastelands. :)

leaving the port in Tenerife

Biking to the Beach

2010-01-31T09:12:00.000-06:00

One of my favorite memories in Tenerife (tied with hiking Mt. Teide) was biking to a local beach. Europe is apparently very biker/walker friendly as there is a wide sidewalk that stretches for miles along not only local roads but the busy highway as well. Kelly, Leah, and I loaded our backpacks and biked about 6 1/2 miles along the highway to the beach. The ride was breathtaking--the cliffs of the mountain to our left and crystal blue ocean to our right.

We Must Go--Benin 2009

2009-12-31T10:08:00.003-06:00

My friend Marcin created an amazing slideshow of our Benin outreach, and I would love to share it with all of you! (Click the arrow in the middle or the play button below to start the slideshow.)

We Must Go--Benin 2009 (created by Marcin Bielan)

Uploaded by HMN80. - Discover videos of people, family and friends.

*Slideshow used with permission from Marcin Bielan. It is not an official Mercy Ships presentation.

Aventuras en Tenerife (Adventures in Tenerife)

2009-12-21T21:50:00.009-06:00

After an eleven day sail, we arrived in the Canary Islands early Saturday morning. The Canary Islands are geographically a part of Africa but politically a part of Spain, which means that this is the closest 1st world country to Benin, and therefore the best place for our yearly maintenance and inspections. We will be here through the end of January before moving on to our next outreach in Togo. I'm looking forward to exploring a new city and experiencing European culture. We got a good start on that this weekend!

Several of us got up to watch the sunrise as the ship pulled into port.

Jamie and me, bleary-eyed but happy to be here!

Ahhhh, land!

The first thing we did when we were given permission to exit the ship was run on the dock. The weather was perfect--sunny but much cooler than African heat--and no poo rocks! Then we quickly took showers and set out to explore this beautiful city by the sea.

A Little Taste of Spanish Culture

It was a bit of a culture shock to be back in the western world even after just four months in Africa (and even more surreal to step back onto the ship afterwards). No longer walking down dirt roads to the street markets, we were surrounded by shopping malls, expensive cars, nice restaurants, and of course, McDonald's (which, I am ashamed to admit, was one of our first stops). The clothing in Tenerife is extremely trendy. It's kind of like when you look at the models in a fashion magazine and think, Who actually wears this? Well, I can now confirm that real people do in fact wear multiple tones of purple from head to toe (yes, as in shirt to cardigan to scarf to purse to mini-skirt to tights to boots).

I could definitely grow to love Spanish culture. I love the fun, upbeat music that makes you want to dance in the middle of the fruit market. The language is beautiful, and the people are friendly and helpful. Speaking of language, it's been comically confusing trying to switch from French to Spanish. I know very little Spanish to begin with, and I think my brain now automatically shifts into French mode when I hear unfamiliar words spoken around me. Trying to confirm my ice cream cone order in McDonald's, I answered "oui" when the cashier asked me if I only wanted one. As he was preparing my ice cream, I literally stood there and repeated to myself, Gracias, gracias, gracias, because I knew if I didn't make a conscious effort I would say "merci" when he returned. The funniest language slip-up was when Jamie thanked someone with the words, "Thankmmmmgracias." People joke about using Spanglish. We are definitely using Spafrenglish. :)

with Christina, Jamie, and Kelly

Conquering El Teide--The First Attempt

By far my favorite adventure this weekend was hiking El Teide (pronounced TEH-theh). At over 12,188 feet above sea level, Mt. Teide is the third highest volcano in the world. It's a 5-6 hour hike up to the summit, and we were determined to conquer it.

Out at sunrise and ready to go!

We had a bit of a setback with the rental car company opening late, but we finally piled into Baby Beluga (our nickname for the cheapest-we-could-find GIANT blue minibus we rented) and started the one-hour drive to the volcano.

approaching El Teide (view from the car)

a little closer...Isn't it gorgeous?

When we arrived at the information center, we learned that because of our car rental delays, we wouldn't have time to hike to the summit by our assigned time slot of 3:00-4:00. In addition, there were 100 kmph winds near the summit, so strong that it was unsafe to run the cable cars up to the top. We weren't planning to take the cable cars anyway, so we set off from the bottom with the intentions of going as far as we could and turning around in time to make it back to the car before dark.

starting our journey to the top (or at least the middle)

unbelievable surroundings...The pictures just don't do it justice.

approaching the remnants of lava flow from its last eruption in 1909

We made it to the bottom of the lava!

the middle of the lava...Do you notice the cloud BELOW us?

proof that we reached the middle of the lava

the view from our stopping point about 2900 meters up (If you look back at the close-up picture of the volcano, we stopped where the lava connected at the top, where it no longer appeared to be "dripping.")

a crater

almost back to the bottom

Even though it was disappointing not to be able to hike all the way to the summit, we had a great time and were amazed by God's unbelievable creation. We were already planning a second attempt in January as we walked back. What a fabulous end to a great weekend!

Homeward Bound
I fly out tomorrow evening to spend 2 1/2 weeks at home for Christmas. In addition to spending quality time with family and friends, I'm looking forward to real milk, cooler weather, boots, my home church, and Chick-Fil-A. :)

I can't wait to see everyone! If I don't see you while I'm home, have a wonderful Christmas and a happy New Year!

The second star to the right...

2009-12-16T10:53:00.000-06:00

shines in the night for you.

Ok, I promise that's my last Disney reference. I have never seen the stars like I've seen them from the middle of the ocean this past week. It's so hard to describe. I wish I could take a picture, but obviously that wouldn't work. When I step outside at night, I feel like I'm in a planetarium. The sky forms a perfect dome over the ocean. You don't even have to look up to see the stars; they are literally all around you.

We've seen shooting stars too! On Sunday night, there was a meteor shower. I was only outside for five minutes, and I saw five shooting stars. (I wish I could've stayed longer, but our report card grades were due the next morning.) Last night, a few of my friends and I slept outside on the top deck of the ship. It was cold and windy, but I wasn't going to miss the opportunity to fall asleep beneath the shooting stars. So amazing.

"He determines the number of the stars and calls them each by name." Psalm 147:4

Loving the Sail

2009-12-12T17:08:00.008-06:00

I've stared at the screen for the past five minutes, typing and deleting, struggling with how to start this blog. I give up. Please excuse my disorganized jumble of random thoughts.

We have been sailing for five days, and I am loving it! I spent a couple hours on deck this morning, just soaking in the calm. I've discovered that the open sea smells different from the beach. It's crisp and wet and sweet. Standing on the deck reminds me of Disney movies, particularly The Little Mermaid and Peter Pan. The lines that keep repeating in my head: "Mermaid off the port bow! Ariel! How you doin' kid?...Whoa, what a swim!" and of course the most romantic line, "Grimm, I lost her once. I'm not gonna lose her again!"

Anyway...

I never doubted I would enjoy sailing because a cruise has been one of my favorite ways to vacation for years. As much as I've enjoyed cruises in the past, they don't compare to sailing on the Africa Mercy. Our ship is a renovated rail ferry, much smaller than a cruise liner. While cruise liners are large enough to provide a very smooth ride, we rock constantly from side to side. Today at lunch I watched my spoon slide across the table with the salt shaker. Workout videos are far more interesting than usual. I go to sleep really easily, but I also wake up in the middle of the night as if my body has suddenly realized it shouldn't be moving so much.

Another difference between the Africa Mercy and a cruise liner is the entertainment. On a cruise, there is a packed calendar of events guaranteed to keep you busy from sunrise to well past midnight. On the Africa Mercy, we have time to notice things like this:

a "water spout," basically a tornado over the water

dolphins

sperm whales (You can only see the spray from his blow hole.)

more whales, possibly Orcas

amazing sunsets

I just love it. :)

*All pictures were pirated from our network transfer drive. (pun intended shamelessly)

Argh, Mateys!

2009-12-12T16:00:00.007-06:00

Last night I took a shift on pirate watch. Our ship has around-the-clock watches for increased security, and all crew members are encouraged to help out. On pirate watch, we monitor the aft (rear) side of the ship for any suspicious behavior with passing ships. While it is highly unlikely that our ship would be attacked by pirates, piracy is real and a growing problem near the African coastline, so our security department takes it very seriously. However, that doesn't mean we can't have a little fun with it in the process.

our security officer's door, all decorated for Christmas

with Becca...yeah, we might have gone a bit overboard (no pun intended) with dressing the part.

Becca teaching me how to make a pirate face

I'm supposed to have a hook for a hand...not sure what happened there.

taking Kelly captive

No pirates on our watch. You'd be scared of us too, right?

Sailing!!!

2009-12-08T13:40:00.010-06:00

We left port this morning in route to the Canary Islands. We will be in Tenerife for the rest of December and most of January for our yearly maintenance and inspections. Everything has been smooth sailing so far! There is now no land in sight, just deep blue ocean. It's pretty incredible!

A few pics from the sail this morning...

waiting for the sail

people waving goodbye at the end of the dock

the pilot boat that led us out of the port

Goodbye Benin! I'll miss you!

me with a few of my kiddos

Later on this evening...

Danae and I went out to the bow to watch the sunset.

the view straight down from the bow

Hey look! Is that a flying fish?

sunset from the bow

I just love sailing! :)

Prayer Requests: Please pray for a safe sail. Please pray for our captain, officers, engineers, security, and deck department as they work long hours to keep us safe. Please continue to pray for the people of Benin. Finally, please pray for God's favor with the government of Togo as well we finalize the details for our outreach that begins in February. Thank you so much!!!

Even the Poo Rocks

2009-12-07T05:45:00.005-06:00

The countdown to the sail has begun. While I'm so excited about sailing, the closer we get to the actual departure date, the more I realize I'm going to miss Benin. It's amazing to me that in just three short months, God has changed my heart from seeing this city as foreign and unpleasant, to calling it home. For evidence of this, just look back on my blog entry from September 15th, in which I wrote about my concern that I didn't have a "heart for Africa." God has taught me that having "a heart for Africa" (or any other place) isn't necessarily some emotion that just appears out of nowhere. Although I'm sure God can and does give some people a special compassion for a particular people group without a personal connection, often He gives us a love for a place and its people as we experience life there.

For me, it began with a 4-year-old girl named Danielle, whom I met at a prison here in Cotonou. It grew with a camping trip, where I started to contemplate what Jesus meant when He said He came to give us abundant life. It continued with a football game, where I discovered that some things are the same no matter where you are. And it was made permanent by an orphanage, where little smiles showed me that joy and contentment don't have to be dependent on your circumstances.

It's funny. The other day I was running with my friend Jamie, and we neared the area of the dock that we have affectionately named the "poo rocks." As their name suggests, the poo rocks are where local fishermen stop to relieve themselves. The stench around this area is similar to that of the elephant pen at the zoo. At first, I could barely pass the poo rocks without gagging. Now, as we pass them on our morning runs, I no longer notice the smell. I notice the sunrise.

And that's how I know I will miss Benin, even the poo rocks.

Movin' on Up!

2009-12-06T03:37:00.061-06:00

Tuesday was moving day! I had been looking forward to this day for a long time because my new cabin means air conditioning, twice the closet space, and a bathroom shared only by my roommates instead of the entire deck. This post will probably be pretty boring for most people, so my apologies to those of you who couldn't care less what a ship bathroom looks like. :)

my bed (The quilt was made by Sidney, one of my sweet dance team girls from HTMS...Thanks, Sid. It reminds me of dance team every time I look at it. Miss you girls lots!!!)

my new double-sided closet (I only had one door in my old cabin, and my roommate had the other side. I'm not sure how I crammed all of my stuff into one side, but my clothes will certainly be less wrinkled now.)

A bathroom of my very own (well, with just three other people)! No more walking down a hallway in the middle of the night. No more toting a storage caddy of shower supplies back and forth every morning--I can actually leave my shampoo IN the shower. Never would I have imagined that could be so exciting! And for those of you who are wondering, it's like a bathroom in a cruise ship. The shower and toilet are separated only by a thin metal bar and a shower curtain. We have to be really careful to turn the water on and off...to save water and to avoid a flood!

We have a little community area in the back with a some chairs, a refrigerator, microwave, and storage space for food.

And...we have a porthole! So fun!

It's also the perfect place to house a Christmas tree!

So, there you have it--my new home for the next two years. Isn't it great? :)

Exodus House Friends

2009-12-05T15:23:00.003-06:00

Last Sunday we returned to Exodus House Orphanage to visit the kids. We attended their church service and ate lunch with them afterwards. Two girls, I would guess around 11 or 12 years old, led worship. Several children came to the front to give a testimony or sing a song to God. It's amazing how children who have so little can have such joy. While my mind wrestled with why these children must live without parents and a home to call their own, they were worshiping their Father. They understand that He has not abandoned them, even if people do.

"A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling." Psalm 68:5

"He executes justice for the orphan and the widow, and shows His love for the alien by giving him food and clothing." Deuteronomy 10:18

Danae and friends

Christina and friends

Hannah and friends

My favorite friend Jonathan

This little guy just broke my heart. He let me hold him for almost the entire time we were there (several hours), but I couldn't get him to crack a smile. A couple of other girls thought to bring stickers, and all of the kids just went crazy for them. Towards the end, one of the children gave me a sticker, and I placed it on little Jonathan's hand. Although he still didn't smile, he treasured that sticker. A few minutes later, one of the older children tried to take it as he walked by. I stopped the child, asked for the sticker, and stuck it back on Jonathan's hand. He leaned up and kissed my cheek. Sweet baby!

That was our last opportunity to visit the orphanage before the sail. Goodbye, sweet friends! I will miss you!

I'm in love.

2009-11-22T15:30:00.017-06:00

Sorry, Mom. It's not with a boy.

It's with these little guys...

We went to the orphanage last Sunday. It was my first time to be able to go because the regularly-scheduled trips are always on the weekdays when I'm teaching. Because we are nearing the end of the outreach, a friend of mine who had been going regularly decided to lead an extra trip on the weekend. I was so thankful for the opportunity to go.

These children are so joyful. The church that runs the orphanage takes good care of them, but there are just so many children that none of them get a lot of one-on-one attention. It didn't matter that none of us could speak French. They just wanted a smile, a hug, a lap to sit on, and someone to kiss them on the forehead.

So we danced.

We played the same clapping games elementary girls play in the U.S., just with words I could not understand.

We read God's Word. Rather, Corinne taught me how to read God's Word in French.
Then it was lunch time. The older kids helped prepare the food. Here, a girl is mashing the yams.

Time to eat!

Yum!

This little guy was my one of my favorites.

So many new friends...

We had so much fun that we decided to take one more trip. I can't wait to go back next Sunday!

*Thanks so much, Deb and Sarah, for sharing your pictures with me. Miss you guys! :)

Presidential Dinner

2009-11-22T15:22:00.006-06:00

I never thought I would be invited to eat dinner with a president. As unreal as it sounds, last Tuesday, the president of Benin invited the entire crew of Mercy Ships to a banquet at his palace! He wanted to honor Don Stephens, the founder of Mercy Ships, and several other leaders within the organization by knighting them into the National Order of Benin. Amazingly enough, he graciously extended the dinner invitation to all 400 crew members!

Here we are all dressed up in our African best. I was so upset with myself for not having an African dress made yet, but by the end of the night, I had forgotten about what I was wearing.

Kelly, me, and Jamie

the banquet hall

Don Stephens (founder of Mercy Ships) with President Yayi Boni

President Yayi Boni and his wife

the newly knighted Mercy Ship staff

Don Stephens presented the president with a gift from us as well: a picture of the ship, created with tiny pictures of people from Benin.

After dinner, we were entertained by traditional African dancers.

I guess that's a story for the grandchildren, huh! :)

African Birthday

2009-11-22T07:19:00.009-06:00

Last Saturday I celebrated the 4th anniversary of my 25th birthday (otherwise known as my 29th birthday, but I choose not to refer to it as such). My parents sent me a package in the mail, and it arrived two days before my actual birthday. It was so much fun to receive mail in Africa that it was all I could do not to open it until Saturday. At 12:01 A.M., I opened my package and was excited to receive cards from my parents, grandparents, brothers (actually 4 from Ryan...haha), aunts, uncles, and cousins. They also sent new earbuds for my iPod, two DVDs, a CD, and an Auburn toothbrush (hey, if that's the only way to support my tigers from Africa, then I will brush my teeth with my War Eagle toothbrush with pride). :)

My friends on the ship made the day really fun as well...

Jamie and Kelly decorated my cabin door.

Several of us went to dinner at Bangkok Terrace, a Thai restaurant in town.

Leah and Becca had a little trouble eating with chopsticks.

Not Danae and I--we couldn't get enough of our delicious Paddthai.

Christina, Julle, and me

Then we came back to the ship for cake. Julle baked a cake in the shape of a flower, with homemade buttercream frosting...yum! Needless to say, there weren't any leftovers.

I had such a great day! I'm so thankful for wonderful friends and family who made my first African birthday one of my favorites! Love you all!

God Hears

2009-11-15T15:08:00.005-06:00

My students have been studying ancient Mesopotamia, and we started by exploring which modern countries occupy the area today. My plan was for us to learn a little about each country and pray for those countries throughout the unit. I have to be honest. My initial motive for praying for each country was more about adding some variety to our social studies lessons than it was about compassion for the people of these nations. Thankfully, God knows how to bring about His good results despite my bad motivations.

On Monday, we learned that most of ancient Mesopotamia was located in what is now Iraq. We also learned that out of a population of almost 29 million people, 97% of Iraqis are Muslim. That's 28 million people who do not understand, and may not have ever heard, the truth of the Gospel. And that’s just one country out of a world of 6.8 billion people.

It hit me that day that if I really believed what I say I believe, I would be doing something. At the very least, I would be praying (and not just as part of a lesson plan). In all honesty, those are still just numbers and statistics in my head. But they really aren't numbers and statistics; they're people. People who don't have a relationship with Christ, and who will spend an eternity apart from Him if they continue in unbelief. I know this in my head, but my actions testify that I do not believe it in my heart. Either I don't believe it, or I’m too wrapped up in my own little world to care. It’s probably the latter, and that's even worse.

So we prayed. In class, my students prayed for the Iraqi Muslims and for the believers in Iraq. By myself, I prayed that God would help me believe...really believe...and love the Iraqi people enough to at least genuinely pray for them. That was Monday.

Tuesday was back to business as usual. (How quickly I forget.)

On Wednesday, we had our weekly community meeting on the ship. Each week, we take up an offering for a different need—sometimes a need of someone in the local community, sometimes a need on the ship, and sometimes a need far away. Can you guess what our offering for this week supports? God put it on someone's heart that this week the Mercy Ships crew needs to donate to a church in Iraq! There has been a recent outbreak of attacks on churches around Baghdad and Mosul, and the donation will help one church restore its building from the devastation caused by two car bombs. (If you'd like to know more, the following news articles give details about the recent church bombings: http://www.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/meast/07/13/iraq.church.bombings/index.html, http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/8146922.stm, and http://www.asianews.it/index.php?l=en&art=15827.)

God's timing is so amazing. What a testimony to my students (and to me) that God hears our prayers and responds. Now not only do we have the opportunity to pray for the believers in Iraq, we have the opportunity to give too. Please join my students and me as we pray for restoration of this church, protection from future attacks, wisdom for its leaders, and a spirit of grace and forgiveness for the believers so that others may come to know Christ through their actions.

African Church

2009-11-10T14:40:00.001-06:00

On Sunday several of us went to one of the local churches. The people were extremely friendly and hospitable. One of the pastors spoke English, so he translated the service the entire time. African church is very different from church in the U.S. For one thing, the services are much longer (averaging around 4 hours). Several different people give a message, not just one pastor. Praise and worship is much more energetic. They had all of us dancing up front during a few songs!

I really enjoyed the messages, the worship, and the people. I definitely want to go back soon!

Life in 4th and 5th Grade

2009-10-31T14:00:00.003-05:00

I've been hesitant to share too much about my role on the ship simply because it involves the children onboard. However, I feel like I never write about what I actually do here. I decided to ask the parents if they would mind if I shared some photos from class, and they graciously granted permission. Without further ado, I'd love to introduce you to my fourth and fifth grade class!

Sharing our "My Culture" projects... From left: Noah, Nate, Jan, Jana, Elliot, Josh, and Josie

Acting out our Bible memory verse...
Vocabulary Pictionary

Examining rocks and minerals with magnifying glasses...

Writing an essay...

Sharing our writing...

After all this hard work, sometimes we need to take a silly break!

Aren't they adorable? They definitely keep me on my toes!

I can't end this post without sharing a story that makes me smile every time I think about it. Birthdays are kind of a big deal in our class. Earlier this week, one of my fourth graders began his prayer with, "Dear Lord, I wanna thank you so much for birthdays. I thank you so much that Noah is turning 10--WOW, HALLELUJAH!--and thank you that he will be able to go through the line by himself in the dining hall..."

It's always the little things--WOW, HALLELUJAH! :)

Clouds over Josué are Lifted

2009-10-30T14:20:00.012-05:00

The following patient story was written by Richard Brock, writer for Mercy Ships.

For Cécile, a 26-year-old tailor, the birth of her second son, Josué, was a momentous occasion. The tragic memory of the death of her first-born child was slightly alleviated by the arrival of a second joyful baby boy. Yet, after only six weeks, Josué’s health, too, deteriorated, and Cécile became fearful of losing another child.

A milky layer began to form over both of Josué’s eyes, affecting his vision. Cécile did not understand what was happening to her newborn son. Her husband and family were also baffled. Her in-laws decided that the only possible explanation was that Cécile was cursed. Because this was the second of Cécile’s children to experience health problems, her in-laws were convinced that she had brought evil into their house. So, they told Cécile to leave and return to her own parents.

Distraught and confused, Cécile left the house with Josué. “I became very anxious and felt completely helpless and depressed,” she said. “My in-laws accused me, but never did they question that, if this was a curse, could it possibly come from their own son – my husband?”

But Cécile did not return to the house of her parents. Instead, she remembered an advertisement she had seen on the television about an organization called Mercy Ships. Deep down, she believed that somebody onboard the “big ship” in Cotonou could help her. And she was right!

After a four-hour journey in a taxi to the busy streets of Cotonou, Cécile and Josué ventured onboard the Africa Mercy where Dr. Glenn Strauss, Senior Vice President of Health Care Initiatives and a renowned ophthalmic surgeon, assessed Josué’s tiny, clouded eyes. The conclusion was that Josué had bilateral congenital cataracts and would require surgery in order to save his sight. “The cataracts were not grossly obvious, but they were certainly there from birth,” said Dr. Strauss.

Josué is the youngest patient to receive cataract surgery in the history of Mercy Ships. At only three months old, there were certain risks in attempting the surgery. “Children under one year of age have an increased risk in eye surgery, particularly relating to the cornea and the inflammation of the eye,” Dr. Strauss explained. “It’s a microsurgical procedure, and an eye that is half the size of an adult eye increases the challenge of surgical manipulation.” He continued, “But it’s better to do this surgery sooner rather than later to decrease the chance of amblyopia (lazy eye).”

A few days later, Cécile sat with Josué in her lap as Dr. Strauss examined the results of the delicate procedure he had performed to remove the cataracts. The outcome was extremely positive. “Josué was in very good health, which is important because congenital cataracts are often associated with many other congenital complications – such as heart, lung, and neurological problems,” said Dr. Strauss. “His eyes were properly aligned, and there was no involuntary movement. It looked like he would gain good vision during recovery.”

Now that Josué’s cataracts have been removed, Cécile says the family is happy again, adding, “This situation has surprised them and made them realise that it was not definitely a curse.”

The clouds that covered Josué’s eyes have lifted. The work of Mercy Ships has given a young boy a bright future and has restored his mother’s hope. “My heart is refreshed and calm,” Cécile said with a smile. “I pray that this child will become a great man and care for me in my old age.”

“I’m very thankful for Mercy Ships. What the enemy said about my baby was stopped. God changed things. He used a specialist to help my baby. May God be glorified, and may this work continue and be a blessing to many people. I believe that this ship is the glory of God,” Cécile concluded.

Written by Richard Brock
Edited by Nancy Predaina
Photographs by PJ Accetturo & Megan Petock

Olympic Gold!

2009-10-29T16:40:00.010-05:00

Onboard the Africa Mercy, we are always looking for free ways to entertain ourselves when we aren't working. Two weeks ago, we held our own version of the Olympics. Meet my team, the Average Joe's:

No, we don't normally dress or pose like this. :)

presenting our team chant...

A few of our competitors:

the Tooth Fairies (aka dental team)...

the Lost Boys...second star to the right and straight on 'til morning!

the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything (remember Veggie Tales?)...

the Warriors...

Team TERSH...

the Super Squirrels...

And many more...Let the games begin!

Here I am being lifted through the "ring of fire."

Group Skiing

How long can our whole team balance on a block of wood?

Round Robin Ping Pong

victory picture after setting the new ping pong score-to-beat

blind-folded search

And first place with the highest number of overall points goes to...THE AVERAGE JOE'S!!!

Allez les ecureuils!

2009-10-29T15:15:00.008-05:00

Go squirrels!

Earlier this month, Benin played Ghana in the World Cup Preliminaries. Although this is not the type of football I am used to (football to the rest of the world is soccer to Americans), I haven't been able to support my Auburn Tigers very well, so I figured the Benin Squirrels would be a close second. :) It's funny how with everything I do in Africa, the world gets a little bit smaller. A sporting event looks pretty much the same here as it does in the States.

From the flags flying en route to the big game...

to the game day traffic...

to the crazy fans...

to the crowded stadium...

to the pre-game celebration...

to the singing of the national anthem...

to the friends...

to the gameday shirts (This one says "Go Squirrels of Benin!")...

to the star players...

to the victory celebration...

to the connection with strangers simply because you are cheering for the same team.

Allez les ecureuils!

Ever miss a deadline?

2009-10-27T13:35:00.000-05:00

Our principal sent us this cartoon recently, and I thought it was hilarious. We have just finished our first quarter of school, and it's been a crazy couple weeks. Between grading, finalizing report cards, and getting ready for parent conferences, I haven't had much time for blogging. Sorry about that! I promise I'll post a real update in the next few days. Until then, I hope you laugh as hard at this cartoon as I did. :)

Maomai Dangbenon: Salvation Has Come

2009-10-12T11:02:00.007-05:00

The following patient story was written by Megan Petock, writer for Mercy Ships.

It was the middle of the night, and Perlagie couldn’t sleep. The image of Maomai, her three-month-old baby girl, flashed through her mind every time she closed her eyes. A huge tumor the size of the baby’s head was jutting out of Maomai’s neck. Perlagie looked over at her daughter, peacefully sleeping in her hospital bed, and began to cry.

For over a week, Perlagie had stayed in the hospital, waiting and praying for a doctor to help Maomai – but no one came. In the morning, they were being sent home. Perlagie didn’t know what to do.

When Perlagie finally fell asleep, she had a dream.

“In that dream, I saw a person, who told me I should be quiet and pray – that salvation shall come.”

The next morning, Perlagie felt confident and peaceful. She didn’t know where help would come from, but she knew God was going to take care of her baby.

***

Maomai was born with a teratoma, which means monstrous tumor. It started out as a small, golf-ball sized lump on her neck, but within three months, the tumor had grown to the size of her head.

Everyone in Perlagie’s village was afraid of Maomai. The grotesque tumor was difficult to look at, and the villagers thought they could be contaminated by it. No one would touch or play with the small baby.

“One time I was in the bathroom, and the baby was crying. People were around the baby, but they would not touch her because of the tumor. They left her crying, alone. Even the members of my family,” said Perlagie.
Perlagie was alone. Maomai was a precious, beautiful baby girl, and she could see that, but others simply couldn’t see past the monstrous tumor. In a country where perceived physical differences mark people as outcasts, Maomai was treated like a monster instead of a baby girl.

“I was very, very, sad. I was not able to sleep,” said Perlagie. “Every day, I was crying. Also, I was not eating. I had no appetite because of the condition of my baby.”

Perlagie and her husband wanted to get Maomia help. They took her to a local hospital, but there was no surgeon to perform her surgery. Perlagie didn’t become anxious or fearful. She confidently left the hospital, trusting God to bring healing and deliverance from the tumor.

When Perlagie returned to her village, her sister-in-law told her about the Africa Mercy, a hospital ship filled with doctors and nurses, which had come to Cotonou. She had just returned from the ship after being treated for an eye problem and thought they could help Maomai.

Perlagie brought her daughter to the Africa Mercy and was screened by the medical team. It was obvious that she needed immediate surgery. But the tumor had made it difficult for her to feed, and Maomai was very underweight – too underweight for surgery. The Mercy Ships medical team placed her on a feeding program and scheduled her for surgery in one month. Mercy was on its way. The salvation Perlagie had dreamed of was becoming a reality.

A month passed, and it was time for Maomai’s surgery. The morning of surgery, Peralgie worried it would not be successful.

“I started crying. Some nurses and translators told me the operation was possible with God. The doctor will be successful with surgery, the tumor will be removed, and the baby will be healed. They gave me that hope,” said Perlagie.

After six hours of surgery, Maomai’s tumor was removed. It weighed 375 grams, 15% of her body weight. The monstrous tumor was gone, and the beautiful baby girl remained.
Maomai spent over a month recovering in the hospital. Still struggling to maintain her weight, she had to be fed through a surgically placed feeding tube.

The nursing staff encouraged Perlagie to use the feeding tube. At first, she was hesitant. Perlagie distanced herself from Maomai. But as she grew more comfortable in the hospital, things changed. The nursing staff taught Perlagie how to use the feeding tube. As she took ownership of Maomai’s care, their relationship thrived.

“Initially, we were worried about her,” said pediatric nurse Ali Chandra. “But now she’s been here for over a month, and she’s blossomed. Perlagie has completely bonded with Maomai in the time they’ve been here. And it happened as we started teaching her [to use the feeding tube]. She’s doing really well,” says Chandra.

Maomai has continued to grow stronger since her surgery. Not only has she gained weight, she’s gained vibrancy.

“Maomai used to be this kind of listless baby, and now she’s bright. She’s doing more age-appropriate things than before,” says Chandra.

Psalm 13:5 says, “I have trusted in Your mercy; My heart shall rejoice in Your salvation” (NKJV).

Perlagie knows this to be true. She trusted God to take care of her baby, and He brought her salvation. Perlagie is rejoicing in His mercy.

“I thank God, and I thank each of you, for all you have done for me. God is healing and still working. I have seen my salvation in this child,” she concluded.
Written by Megan Petock
Edited by IOC Editing Team
Photography by Debra Bell and Megan Petock

Abundant Life

2009-09-29T14:34:00.011-05:00

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.” John 10:10

I find it quite humorous that I once thought I would be making a sacrifice to serve with Mercy Ships. I wanted God to change me and thought that He needed to take me out of my comfort zone to do that. Little did I know that in leaving my comfort zone, I would find true life.

Jesus said in Matthew 16:25, "For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.” In the past, I’ve always focused on the loss of life mentioned in that verse, that being a believer requires me to make radical sacrifices in this life that will one day pay off in eternity. While that is absolutely true, I've learned that the second part of that verse is just as true--that the sacrifices we make to follow God pale in comparison to the joy He gives us in exchange. Sure, it’s scary to let go of the comforts of home and step out into the unknown, but I can now say with 100% certainty that His plan is better. When Jesus talks about finding life, I don’t think He’s just talking about heaven; I think He’s talking about now.
C.S. Lewis sums it up when he says, “We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at sea. We are far too easily pleased."

What do I love about abundant life?

I love having little four-year-old fingers wrapped around my hair as a giggling voice tells me that my French is not good.
I love practicing my French so that I can connect with people like Danielle and her mom.
I love dipping my toes into the ocean and realizing suddenly that it’s the same Atlantic Ocean that touched my toes in June from the other side of the world.
I love bonfires on the beach with two guys playing guitars and a harmony of voices singing praise songs.
I love discovering that God can literally be my joy when I miss home.
I love fried plantains, brownies made from scratch, and figuring out a new way to make the same old salad.
I love having my fingernails painted by a five-year-old manicurist on the hospital ward.
I love wondering why I keep losing my balance while doing aerobics and then remembering I live on a rocking ship.
I love being rocked to sleep at night.
I love new girlfriends.
I love camping out in tents on the beach and the refreshing chill of the outdoor shower after getting covered in sand and sunscreen.
I love realizing that bug spray really does work to keep mosquitoes (and hence, malaria) away.
I love completing my Bible study homework and noticing that God must have arranged for that lesson to be placed in the book at the exact moment that I needed it to read it.
I love praying with my students every morning, and I especially love hearing them check on the people for whom we have prayed.
I love laughing with the other teachers at our morning devotions and afternoon faculty meetings.
I love Thursday night community meetings.
I love all of the different accents and cultural expressions of my new friends.
I love nicknames, especially those that are acquired through a funny story.
Most of all, I love knowing (and really trusting) that my Father wants what is best for me, and there’s no reason to be afraid to follow where He leads.

“This is what the LORD says— your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: ‘I am the LORD your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go.’” Isaiah 48:17
He is worthy to be trusted with our lives. Because He loves us. And because He is good. He didn’t promise a pain-free life, but He did promise an abundant one. He is able to be our peace in the midst of struggle, our joy in the midst of pain. He is able to take what is ordinary and turn it into an adventure. What we speak of as sacrifice would be better explained as trading in our trash for treasure.

Canoe Ride to Heve (aka Voodoo Village)

2009-09-29T13:31:00.009-05:00

While we were at Grand Popo, we took a canoe ride to a village called Heve, which is known as "Voodoo Village" because the community contains many voodoo gods and worship sites.

How many people can we pile into a taxi the size of a Honda Civic? Let's see...three in front...

Four in back.

Our canoe was made from a hollowed out tree.

From left: Christina, Jess, Kelly, our guide, Jamie, me, and Paul

On the canoe...

A local fisherman...

A basket for catching fish

A basket for storing seafood
Watch out! They are eager to escape!

A little boy cut a coconut for us.

And we're off again...

Arriving at Voodoo Village

The figures on top of the building below are called "fetishes," and they are a tribute to one of the gods.

One of the gods

Paintings of items used in worship

Another god

The well

A painting of spirit that the people see at night. From what I've learned from other believers in Africa, the people really do see spirits at night. Obviously, these are demonic spirits and not reallly the gods that the people worship. It seems so foreign to those of us from a western culture, but the spirit world is just as real as the physical world. I've heard someone say once that Satan's biggest victory in the western world is convincing us that he doesn't exist. Probably true. We won't stand against an enemy if we don't believe he's real.

On our way back after a very eye-opening experience.

Camping at Grand Popo

2009-09-29T12:38:00.022-05:00

We had a ship holiday this weekend. (We don't have off days for any national holidays, so we have one long weekend every couple months.) Usually, people take advantage of the ship holiday to spend the night off the ship. A group of my friends decided to go camping at the beach. We borrowed some tents, packed our bags, made a few sandwiches, and piled into a mini-bus on our way to Grand Popo.

Does that speedometer say zero km? I do believe we are moving fairly quickly. Whoops! (Don't worry, Mom, I made it home in one piece.)

Christina setting up our tents...

Our $3 campsite...

No, we're not in Maui.

$3? Really?!!!

Fishermen on the beach

Playing with the color features on the camera

From left: Jessica, Kelly, Christina, Jamie, and me

Paul and the girls (He was our bodyguard for the night.)

We found a machete on the beach (used to crack open coconuts only).

On the way home, we saw a car loaded down with bananas...and I do mean LOADED DOWN.

Mon Nouvel Ami (My New Friend)

2009-09-20T14:51:00.009-05:00

I met a new friend yesterday. Her name is Danielle. She is four years old, and she lives in a prison just a few miles from where we are docked. Yes, you read that correctly. Danielle is four years old and lives in a prison.

As you probably noticed from my previous post, I've felt a bit disconnected from the people here. Trying to excuse my own self-centeredness, I've verbalized all of the possible reasons to anyone who would listen. (1) We live in a bubble on the ship, our own little world completely separated from the culture. (2) I spend my days teaching, so I don't even meet the people in the hospital unless I have "adopted" a patient for the week. (3) I don't speak French. (4) I've only been here for a month. Etc., etc., etc.

I decided to rid myself at least a few of my excuses by participating in the prison ministry with my friends Jamie and Kelly on Saturday. I have to be honest that I was not excited about it at first. Prison ministry? No thanks. But the orphanage is only an option on the weekdays, and the trip to the psychiatric center had been cancelled. So I went. Hesitantly. And I'm so glad I did.

When we arrived, I was surprised that the set-up of the prison contained no cells or bars. The prisoners didn't even wear uniforms unless they had earned a job working security. It seemed more like a packed community than a correction facility. There were separate sections for the men, youth, and women, but other than that, people appeared to be doing normal, everyday chores--washing dishes, laundry, cooking, etc. A normal community at first glance, but surrounded by thick concrete walls that prevent any thoughts of freedom.

After asking a few questions, I learned that many of the prisoners there aren't even from Benin. Apparently, Benin has more credibility than many of its neighboring nations. People often come to Benin with falsified documents in hopes of getting a visa to leave their home country. When they are caught, they end up in prison in Benin. This is the case with many of the female prisoners that we met.

But what about Danielle? Why a four-year-old? Most likely, Danielle's mother didn't have anyone else to take care of her daughter, so she had no choice but to bring her to prison. Like the other prisoners, Danielle gets one meal per day. She sleeps on a mat on a dirt floor. She cannot go outside and play. There are very few other children in the prison, and none of them are her age. Despite all of this, Danielle is one of the most joyful little girls I have ever met, with a bright smile and an infectious laugh. It didn't take long for her to capture my heart.

With what little French I know, I learned that she has four pets at home--two little animals and two big ones. She asked me if I had a baby, and she told me that my hair was long but not good for braiding! Most of the time, though, I couldn't understand what she was saying, despite her animated hand motions and dramatic facial expressions. I could say nothing but, "Je ne comprends pas." ("I don't understand.") Each time, she would repeat her story, this time a little louder or with a bit more animation.

As I continued to tell her I didn't understand, she finally exclaimed, "It's not possible!" I guess she didn't grasp how I could clearly tell her I didn't understand, in French, without understanding what she was trying to tell me. Over and over, I had to repeat my go-to French phrase, and then she asked, "Why? Why? Why?" I explained that I only spoke a tiny bit of French.

And then came my favorite part of the conversation. She said, "It's not good!" I laughed and agreed with her as several of the women sitting nearby laughed along with us. A four-year-old told me my French is not good. But hey, at least I understood her!

I can't wait to talk to Danielle again when we go back to the prison in two weeks. Maybe she'll notice an improvement. :)

My HEART!

2009-09-15T13:15:00.009-05:00

(For those of you who know my friend Matt, please read the title of this post with the same voice inflection that he uses to make fun of Cody for calling A Walk to Remember a perfect picture of love.) :)

Silliness aside, my heart seems to be an inescapable theme these days. Whenever I leave the ship, I run across places like the areas pictured below.
Every time I see trash rotting by the side of the road, or strewn haphazardly across an otherwise picturesque landscape, I wonder how anyone can let a place that could be so beautiful be destroyed by so much garbage. I realize this is going to sound really cheesy, but last weekend it struck me that this may be just what God sees when He looks at our hearts. Created for so much beauty, but littered with so much filth. Sure, I may do a decent job of burying my mess so that it isn't brazenly exposed for all the world to see, but it's still there...permeating my thoughts, emotions, and motives with the same stench that pervades the streets of West Africa.

"The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?" Jeremiah 17:9
"For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed the evil thoughts, fornications, thefts, murders, adulteries, deeds of coveting and wickedness, as well as deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride and foolishness." Mark 7: 21-22
One of the things I quickly discovered I missed most about being home is fellowship with my "how's your heart?" friends. You know, the friends who don't accept "fine" for an answer when they ask how you are. The friends who want to know where you are struggling so that they can hold you accountable. The friends who call you out when your attitude or actions don't line up with Scripture. The friends who make you "think on things that are true" (from Phillipians 4:8) and who "spur you on toward love and good deeds" (Hebrews 10:24). They love you for who you are--with all of your quirks, temptations, and insecurities--but they care enough to make sure you don't stay that way. I miss my "how's your heart?" friends.

Thankfully, I think I may have found some new ones. Several of the girls from my Gateway training recently started a small group Bible study together. We're using Beth Moore's A Heart Like His to learn how to be a person "after God's own heart" by studying the life of David. The first homework assignment included the question: What does it mean to be a person after God's own heart? I couldn't help but think of the lyrics to one of my favorite praise songs, "Hosanna" by Hillsong United:

Heal my heart and make it clean.
Open up my eyes to the things unseen.
Show me how to love like You
Have loved me.

Break my heart for what breaks Yours,
Everything I am for Your Kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into
Eternity.

Often you'll hear believers talk about how they "have a heart for ___________" (a specific nation or people group). I've been bothered lately that I don't "have a heart for Africa." I walk the streets and feel no connection with the people whatsoever. At my best moments, I may feel a twinge of pity for a child who looks dirty or malnourished. For the most part though, these people are just...foreign. I can't understand what they are saying because I don't speak their language. The smell is sometimes nauseating and I judge them, thinking, how hard is it to find a better way to dispose of trash? They try to charge me higher prices at the markets because the color of my skin is synonymous with wealth. They stare because I am just as foreign to them as they are to me. In my most self-absorbed moments, they are the reason I am not at home. And in these moments I don't even want a heart for Africa...because that might mean I'd have to stay!

Yet I know God's heart is broken for the people here. I know that I am blinded to the things unseen. I know I need to learn how to love them like He loves them, like He has loved me. But it's impossible. I cannot do it. My heart is covered with trash.

"Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!" Romans 7:24-25

"I shall give them one heart, and shall put a new spirit within them. And I shall take the heart of stone out of their flesh and give them a heart of flesh, that they may walk in My statutes and keep My ordinances, and do them. Then they wil be My people, and I shall be their God." Ezekiel 11:19-20

"Moreover the LORD your God will circumcise your heart and the heart of your descendents, to love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul, in order that you may live." Deuteronomy 30:6

Beth Moore shared Deuteronomy 30:6 in the video we watched at small group last week. She used it to explain that even loving God is a work that God does, not us. All we can do is hand over our hearts to Him. My friend Christina added her own thoughts on circumcision of the heart. She said that as a nurse, she's witnessed her fair share of circumcisions. At one point in her life, she swore she would never allow the procedure to be done on her child. She continued, "It's painful...and bloody. It's a courageous thing to hand over your heart because circumcision hurts."

For a little boy, circumcision is done for cleanliness. Hmm...perhaps it works the same way with our hearts.

Heal my heart and make it clean...

Fabric Market and City Life

2009-09-15T12:50:00.001-05:00

We went to the fabric market on Saturday. My friends Jamie and Kelly captured some great photos of daily life in Benin (and a few of us as well).

Our group with the sales people.

The women carry everything on their heads here.

Even with babies strapped to their backs...

Plenty of fresh produce...

Luggage anyone?

Victoria's Secret :)

a West African gas station

Houses in the poorest section of town...

Hammock under a work truck, where its driver sleeps at night...

Sunset over the Africa Mercy...

How do you entertain yourself on a ship in the middle of West Africa?

2009-09-13T15:20:00.017-05:00

You throw an 80's dance party! Last night we had the most fun finding odds and ends on the ship to turn into 80's party attire. We did a pretty good job, if I do say so myself. Wouldn't you agree?

We even had a brief appearance from Bon Jovi (aka PJ) singing "Livin' on a Prayer."

Girls just wanna have fun...that's all we really wa-a-a-a-a-nt!

Those of you who know me well are not going to believe this, but I danced. Yep...freestyle. And by danced, I mean totally went crazy. So much that they tried to push me into the middle of the watch-my-moves circle during “Can’t Touch This.”

Perhaps it was my rockin’ 80’s hairstyle. Maybe the white mini-skirt is to blame. Or it could've been the fact that I’m in Africa, and no one knows I’m supposed to be the wallflower. Whatever it was, I had so much fun. My girls back home would be proud.

From left: Jamie, Danae, me, Kelly, Christina, and Becca

Ouidah

2009-09-13T13:56:00.012-05:00

Last weekend, we went to Ouidah, a renovated Portuguese slavery fort that has been turned into a museum. Portuguese Catholic "missionaries" housed the slaves here before they were sent to Europe or the Americas. I wish I could post pictures of the artifacts we saw inside, but we weren't allowed to take pictures. We saw the original chains that were used to hold people captive, in both adult and child sizes. It was so, so sad. We also saw items that are used in voodoo practices.

Here is the church where the "missionaries" forced the slaves to attend on Sunday mornings. They would still participate in their traditional religions at night. That is why it is common today for people in Africa to mix Christianity and voodoo. I had always wondered how that was possible, and I was horrified to realize that "Christians" (by that I mean people who called themselves Christians) had something to do with it.

The "Point of No Return" marks the last place the slaves touched African soil before boarding the ship that would take them to Europe or the Americas. They had to walk from the fort to the beach to board smaller boats that would take them to a larger ship anchored in the deeper waters.

Kind of funny...cows on the beach past the "Point of No Return."

Another monument on the beach in memory of the people who were sent as slaves from Benin.

It was really difficult to see all of these things. People warned me that I would be able to physically feel the spiritual darkness in Benin, and I have to admit, I didn't really believe them. After leaving the slavery museum and learning about the voodoo culture, however, I had the worst headache and felt extremely depressed for about two hours. There aren't many words to say to describe any of it except to say that it was very eye-opening. Please pray for the people here that they would be released from the lies of voodoo and ancestor worship, and seek a relationship with the One True God.

Pictures

2009-09-13T13:38:00.009-05:00

Just a few pics from around the countryside...

If you look really hard in this picture, you can see a line of men all holding onto a rope. This is a common way for everyone in the community to fish.

Pleading the 5th on the next one...

2 Corinthians 1:3-4

2009-09-04T13:21:00.004-05:00

I can't say they didn't warn me about the fourth week. They told us to be ready for it. Ready to feel a little out of place. A little homesick.

Maybe it's because the novelty wears off around the fourth week. Maybe it's because new friendships are budding, but you haven't reached a point of genuine closeness yet. Maybe it's because friends from home have started to adjust to you not being there, so there are no longer constant reminders that you are missed. Out of sight, out of mind, you think (even though you know that isn't really true). And then all of a sudden, home is all you can think about.

On Tuesday my mom told me a funny story of how my dad had seen my car in the driveway and thought that I was at their house. Ordinarily, I would have laughed and said that I needed to start looking into retirement homes for him soon. Not so this week. Instead I just burst into tears. Fourth week.

As I lay in my bed that night, I decided that if I could be real with no one else, I needed to be real with God. I don't know why it's my natural tendency to seek comfort in another person first. I tend to ignore Him as long as there are people around. I guess that's why sometimes He has to strip us of all of our people. So He did, and I was real with Him. I told Him I was sad and homesick and that it hurt. I asked Him to be my joy.

He listened. And whereas another person doesn't have the capacity to be my joy, God does. The next morning, I woke up with a sense of genuine joy and peace that could have only come from Him.

God used my sadness and His answer to my prayer to give me a special bonding moment with my students yesterday. At one point during the day, they started to talk about feeling homesick on the ship. I was able to be real with them about how I had been feeling a few days ago. I told them about how I had taken my sadness to God and how He had answered me so clearly. It brought 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 to life, as I was able to comfort my little ones with the same comfort my Heavenly Father had so graciously given to me.

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4).

Kisses from Katie

2009-09-02T16:20:00.007-05:00

I've posted this link before, but I've just spent some time reading a blog that challenges and encourages me every time I read it, and I feel the need to share it one more time. It is written by Katie, a twenty-year-old girl from Brentwood, Tennessee. After graduating high school, Katie flew to Uganda for what she thought would be a temporary mission trip. The Lord had other plans. She is now the mother of 13 orphans and oversees Amazima Ministries International, providing over 300 children with food, medical care, school fees, and spiritual encouragement.

Seriously, if you've never read her blog, you need to. The link is www.kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com. I promise you will be touched and challenged.

Manicures

2009-08-31T14:09:00.006-05:00

I was able to visit a patient in the ward today through the "Adopt a Patient" ministry. I was a little nervous at first because of the language barrier. (I can speak about enough French to say hi, how are you, what is your name, and I don't speak French!) When I met my five-year-old little girl, I learned a very important lesson: There is no language barrier that a bottle of pink nail polish can't cross! Don't you love my manicure?

I painted her nails first, and then she said, "Yovo," and pointed to my nails. "Yovo" means "white person."

"You want to paint my nails?" I asked. She grinned.

Thankfully, there is also no manicure that a bottle of nail polish remover can't fix. :)

A Day in Ship Life

2009-08-31T11:32:00.000-05:00

Warning: This post will probably be extremely boring to everyone except my parents, extended family, a possibly a few very close friends (assuming most people don't care what I eat for breakfast or what I do at night). However, because several members of the aforementioned groups have been asking these questions, I might as well answer them for everyone.

What's it like living on the ship?
Honestly, it's not that much different from living at home. Sometimes I forget I'm even on a ship...or across the world for that matter. Think co-ed college dorm with an age span of infants to eighty-year-olds. Ok, I guess that means it is a little different from home.

Do you get seasick?
No, but we aren't sailing right now. The boat does sway slightly as it's docked though. When I'm sitting at my desk in my classroom, I can feel it move forward and back. At night in my bed, I feel it from side to side. At least now I have an excuse for my clumsiness!

Are you able to get off the ship?
Yes, every Saturday my friends and I have spent a few hours off-ship exploring the city. We've seen a beach, a public pool, and a swamp. I still want to see the market, and we're planning to go camping sometime soon. We can also go to the local churches on Sunday, but I haven't done that yet because I've attended services on the ship instead.

What do you do when you're not teaching?
There is always something to do with so many people around. I've gotten into a fairly steady routine recently. I'm taking French lessons, doing a small group Bible study, and playing with children in the hospital ward a few nights a week. We also have community meetings and other scheduled worship services with the entire crew. Friday is typically movie night with friends, and we usually find something fun to do off-ship on Saturdays.

How's the food?
Really good actually! My favorite food night is Tuesday because it's Africa night...I've discovered that I love fried plantains! We also have fresh pineapple and mangos several times a week and a salad bar with every meal. The only staple item that I don't like is the milk. It's so pasteurized that it's completely fine sitting at room temperature...enough said. Obviously cereal is out. I thought I was going to be eating peanut butter toast every morning for the next year, until I discovered that I could mix bananas and brown sugar in oatmeal for a better-than-Quaker hot breakfast. I'm now a happy camper in the mornings as well.

How hard is it to keep in touch with people from home?
Easier than you might think. We have wireless access in several locations on the ship, so I can use email and instant messaging software to communicate with family and friends online. Also, our satellite system is located in Florida, so phone calls are free for anyone in the US (and free for me to receive them as well). The only major complication is the time zone difference. I'm available when most people are at work, and by the time they are home, I'm already asleep. Thankfully, most of my closest friends are either stay-at-home moms or are able to chat occasionally from work, so it works out fairly well. And if nothing else, there's always email!

Will you be able to come home for Christmas?
Yes! I'll be home for 2 1/2 weeks...December 23-January 9th. Such a blessing!

Well, that's ship life in a nutshell. Hope I didn't bore you too much!

Passing Along a Good One

2009-08-30T13:16:00.003-05:00

I really appreciated my friends Elliot and Julle's blog today. I think you might too. Click here to read it.

Psalm 37:4

2009-08-29T16:49:00.003-05:00

"Delight yourself in the LORD, and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

I thought I had a pretty good understanding of this verse even in high school. I remember being very proud of myself (self-righteous) that I didn't think this verse meant that if you loved God, He would give you everything you wanted. Oh no, being the spiritual person that I was, I could clearly explain that it meant if you seek Him, He will change your desires to match His. Although I believe it's true that He will transform our desires as we surrender our lives to Him, I realized today that this verse could also have much deeper meaning.

What if it's not about changing our desires at all? If we truly delight ourselves in God, what is our biggest desire? Our desire is what we delight in, so therefore our desire is Him. What if this verse means, if we delight ourselves in God, He will give us more of Himself?