Should I give up, or should I just keep chasin' pavement...

even if it leads nowhere?

We couldn't stop laughing when "Chasing Pavement" started playing on Kelly's iPod just past the halfway point of our trek across Togo two weeks ago. I'm not sure why we thought it would be a good idea to attempt to walk 35 miles without stopping, but let's be honest, how often do you get to say you walked across an entire country in a day? One group from the ship had already tried and failed, so that made the challenge all the more enticing.

The plan: touch the Ghana border, walk across Togo, touch the Benin border.  We named it the Trans Togo Trek.  (I know, we're dorks.)

leaving the ship at 4:45 a.m.

starting out at the border of Ghana--5:10 a.m.

from left: Estelle, Kelly, me, Jenn, Ben, Liz, and Tim

(Jenn, Liz and Tim just started with us so that we'd have a big group before dawn.  They walked back to the ship shortly after sunrise.)

 

My friend Murray offered to drive a "support vehicle" alongside us for safety and, of course, water breaks.  He took some really cool photos along the way.

 

And then there were three...Estelle dropped out just shy of halfway because of blisters. 

 

the African coast...beautiful, isn't it?

 

halfway!!!

  

 

palm trees along the road

 

 

Tampico break

  

 

We reached the marathon mark!

 

shirt change--Ben decided to change jerseys as we got closer to each country.  He started wearing a Ghana jersey, changed into a Togo jersey about a third of the way through, and then switched to a Benin jersey for the last leg of the trek.

  

 

still in good spirits at this point

  

 

 

Ok, this is about where we renamed the trip the Trans Togo Trudge. Our favorite lines, "How much longer?"  "Um, I think maybe just another hour and a half."  We seemed to say that, oh, about every hour and a half.

 

some beautiful scenery to brighten up the last 2 miles

Hi from the bridge, just on the outskirts of the border town.  We think we can...we think we can.

almost to Benin!

 

We made it!!!  We reached the Benin border at 5:30 p.m.

No, that's not a sock tan.  That's the line between our dirty legs and our white feet.  I'm not sure how Kelly's legs were the dirtiest when she was the only one wearing pants.

I've never been one to do stupid things just to say I did, but I think this may be the beginning of a new habit. We had so much fun, and it was a great way to see the countryside.  (I also gained an appreciation for why boys are proud of their "battle scars."  I have a bruise underneath my toenail from our little adventure, and I refuse to paint my toenails so that I can watch it turn colors.  I think I gained cool teacher points from my fifth grade boys for that...ha.)  Besides being one of the stupidest things I've ever done, the Trans Togo Trek will undoubtedly be one of my favorite memories from Togo.

Embarrassing the Brother

Ryan is probably going to kill me for posting this.  He'll just have to get over it.

I missed his college graduation on Saturday, and I got a little teary looking at the pictures. 

Handsome, isn't he?  Yeah, I think so too.

Mom, Ryan, and Dad

Love you, Brother!  Wish I could've been there.  (And War Eagle!)

Long Division and the Gospel

It was a half-hearted prayer.  Words spoken more out of habit and duty than sincerity and love.  To be quite honest, I was perfectly content to continue riding in silence, contemplating my own life in my own little bubble.  But we were on our way to Monday night tutoring.  That meant we were supposed to pray.  So it went something like this:  Lord,  please bless our time with these children tonight.  Please help us be able to help them with their work, despite the language barrier.  Please help them see Your love through us tonight, and help us be able to share Christ with them.  In Jesus' name, Amen. 

By "them," I meant...

And my friends Shalom and Claude...

Every Monday night, I go with three other girls to tutor a group of neighborhood kids through a ministry called YWAM (Youth With A Mission).  The YWAM staff opens their home to these children every night to assist with homework and provide basic tutoring.  Some of the children are orphans; others simply have no one at home who is able or available to help them with their school work.  It has become a highlight of my week, but as you can see from the beginning of this post, my heart isn't always where it needs to be before we arrive. 

But God's always is.

Last night Shalom, Claude, and I were working through their math practice book like we usually do.  It looks like this:

You may not be able to tell from the picture, but it's in French.  Do I speak French?  Not so much.  My conversation in French last night was the equivalent of the following translated into English:  "You eat today?...I eat spaghetti...You favorite?...This Mercy Ship (Shalom was examining my ID badge)...I sleep on the ship.  Ship is my house."  Yeah, I'm almost as fluent as Tarzan. The idea of me tutoring them is comical to say the least.  And last night we conquered long division.  (If you've ever tried to teach long division to any child, you've probably already recognized this as answered prayer number one.)

Then something really cool happened.  I always bring a bag of resources from the ship.  When their homework is complete, Shalom and Claude love to make games out of the flash cards or read one of the books.  Last night, Claude chose a book about the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus.  We started to read, and Claude seemed really interested in the pictures.  I pulled our translator Nestor over to help me have a "real" conversation with Claude, and I asked, "Do you know why Jesus died?"

"No," Claude said.  And then came answered prayer number two.

In simplistic, messily-translated sentences, I was able to share with Claude that we all do wrong things.  Jesus never did anything wrong, but He died to take the punishment for the wrong things we've done.  After He died, He rose again--God brought Him back to life!  Because He died, we are able to ask God to forgive us for the wrong things we've done. 

"Compris?" I asked. (Understand?) 

"Yes," he said.

It wasn't a perfect presentation of the Gospel.  I didn't quote Scripture.  I didn't even begin to explain sin, its consequences, or the gift of eternal life through faith in Christ.  But I don't doubt for a second that if God can use a tired, distracted, self-centered teacher--who didn't feel like praying and who barely speaks a lick of French--to share why Jesus came, He will certainly continue to reveal Himself to this precious little boy.

I'm so thankful for a God who hears and answers our prayers, even the half-hearted ones.  When we least deserve to be used, He proves that it isn't about us being worthy, equipped, or even motivated to be used in the first place.  He had a plan for Claude last night, and He wasn't about to let me get in the way of it.

"I know that You can do all things.  No plan of Yours can be thwarted." ~Job 42:2    

El Qanna: My Jealous God

He says His name is Jealous. 

"Do not worship any other god, for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God." ~Exodus 34:14

God loves me.  Sure, I know that.  I mean I've sung the words since childhood.  Love just has so many different definitions in English.  Although I could've quoted Scriptures to the contrary, for far too long I've pictured God's love as more of a far off compassion--merciful but somewhat detached.  In my better moments, I've understood that He loves like me like a father loves a child.  "As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear Him; for He knows how we are formed, He remembers that we are dust."  ~Psalm 103:13-14.  I'm thankful for my sweet daddy.  My relationship with him helps me understand God's fatherly love for me.  

God IS my Father.  But He isn't JUST my Father.  The Bible also says that I am His bride, and He is my Husband.  "For your Maker is your Husband—the LORD Almighty is His name—the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; He is called the God of all the earth."  ~Isaiah 54:5

Wow. That's a pretty tough concept to grasp, especially considering I've never been married. They say you can't fully understand the sacrifice God made when He allowed Jesus to be crucified until you've been a parent yourself, and I'm sure the same applies to understanding the symbolism of marriage in revealing God's love for us. But even in my limited understanding, this kind of love has stolen my heart in recent days.

He says I am the apple of His eye.  "For this is what the LORD Almighty says: 'After He has honored me and has sent me against the nations that have plundered you—for whoever touches you touches the apple of His eye.'"  ~Zechariah 2:8

He says that He rejoices over me.  "As a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you." ~Isaiah 62:5b

He says that even though I have forgotten Him for other lovers, He will pursue me with His love.  "'Therefore, behold, I will allure her, bring her into the wilderness, and speak kindly to her...and it will come about in that day,' declares the LORD, 'That you will call me Ishi (husband) and will no longer call Me Baali (master)...and I will betroth you to Me forever; Yes, I will betroth you to Me in righteousness and in justice, in lovingkindness and in compassion, and I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness.  Then you will know the LORD.'" ~Hosea 2: 14, 16, 19-20
 
Betrothed in righteousness, in justice, in lovingkindness, in compassion, and in faithfulness.  BETROTHED.  I am His.  "I am my beloved's, and His desire is for me."  Song of Solomon 7:10
 
It's this kind of love that makes Him jealous for my affection.  "This is what the LORD Almighty says: "I am very jealous for Zion; I am burning with jealousy for her." ~Zechariah 8:2

He burns with a holy jealousy because of His LOVE for me. "Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame." ~Song of Solomon 8:6

That's why He doesn't want my heartless obedience; He wants my heart. "The LORD says: 'These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is made up only of rules taught by men.'" ~Isaiah 29:13

His love for me is perfect--unchanging, unending, unfathomable.  How is it possible that I--the one who doesn't even deserve to be acknowledged, much less adored, by this God--am the one who runs from Him?  It seems crazy!  Yet it is the story of my life, and yours.  So what is a Husband to do with His unfaithful bride?  Divorce her?  Disown her? 

No, deliver her. 

Even at the cost of His own life.  "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her; that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she should be holy and blameless."  ~Ephesians 5:25-27

Pretty amazing, isn't it?  The God who made the universe not only knows my name, not only calls me Daughter, He calls me His beloved bride.  The apple of His eye.  The one for whom He gave His life.

Capture my heart with Your love, O God. Make me a woman worthy to be called Your bride. 

Kenya!

Last weekend our academy staff flew to Kenya for a teaching conference.  (Now that's something I never thought I'd say!)  We applied for a grant and fundraised the rest of the money to attend the ACSI (Association of Christian Schools International) International Christian Educators Conference in Kijabe, Kenya.  The conference was incredible because it applied what we know to be best practice in education through a Biblical context.  In a sense, it was the missing piece to the "why we do what we do."  Rather than ramble on about that though, as I'm sure most people who read my blog would rather skip on the teacher-talk, I'll just post some of my favorite pictures from the trip.  (Total side note--is it weird that I just looked back on the word "favorite" in that sentence because my mind initially registered it as incorrect?  I'm getting used to seeing it as "favourite."  Ha.)

 

Here we are waiting for our transport to the airport in Accra, Ghana.  We had just walked with all of our luggage across the border of Togo into Ghana.

Estelle and I (you can barely see us) underneath the "Smile. You're in Kenya." sign at the airport in Nairobi.

an advertisement on the window of our bus from Nairobi to Kijabe

the Rift Valley...breath-taking, isn't it?

I met two girls from Birmingham at the conference!  Allison (beside me) graduated from Vestavia High School with several of my good friends, and Lindsey (right) just graduated from Auburn!  It really is a small world.

our academy staff all dressed up and ready for the closing banquet

Estelle!  (Don't ask.)

Watch out for that mountain lion!

And NEVER let a monkey lick you! 

Do you understand now why I love working for MSA?  We have SO much fun working together...perhaps too much fun at times!  :)

my co-worker, cabin-mate, and good friend Amy

Estelle and I came out matching almost exactly. It was NOT planned. What was even funnier (or perhaps more embarrassing) was that we roomed together on the trip and didn't even notice that we had on matching outfits until everyone started teasing us!

Estelle, Danae, me, and Amy (Estelle changed her scarf so that we didn't look so conspicuous!) 

the leader of the tribe that danced for us at the final worship service

tribal song and dance

Kenya is now one of my favorite African nations.  I hope one day I'll have a chance to go back and see more of this beautiful country!

Miracle on the Ward

For the past two days, the whole ship has been talking about the miracle that happened in the hospital on Tuesday night.  I wasn't there to see it, so it's probably best if I let my friend Ali share the amazing story of what God did for Baby Obre. 

It is finished.

Throughout the course of this week, Jewish families around the world have celebrated Passover to remember how God rescued His people from slavery in Egypt.  During the seven days of Passover, God commands His people to eat only unleavened bread (Exodus 13:6-7).  Leaven is used in the Bible to represent sin (Leviticus 2:11, Luke 12: 1, 1 Corinthians 5:7-8).

At each Passover meal that took place this week, it was likely that three pieces of matzah (unleavened bread) were wrapped in a blanket in the center of the table.  Early in the dinner, the center piece of matzah was broken in half and hidden for the children to find at the end.  This hidden piece is called the afikomen, a Greek word which means "dessert," "that which comes after," "the hidden one," or "I came."  The hiding of the Afikomen is a tradition that is nowhere commanded in Scripture, yet it has been a part of Jewish culture for thousands of years.  Many often wonder, Why are there three pieces of matzah inside the blanket instead of just one?  Could they be symbolic of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob?  Furthermore, why is it the middle one that is broken? 

Jesus shared a Passover meal with His disciples. Christians traditionally call it the Last Supper. "And when He had taken bread and given thanks, He broke it and gave it to them, saying, 'This is My body which is given for you; do this in remembrance of Me.'" ~Luke 22:19

 

 This is matzah, the special bread used for Passover.  It's different from ordinary bread because...

• It is unleavened, without sin.
• It is striped.
• It is pierced.

"But he was pierced for our transgressions,

he was crushed for our iniquities;

the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,

and by his stripes we are healed.

We all, like sheep, have gone astray,

each of us has turned to his own way;

and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all.

He was oppressed and afflicted,

yet he did not open his mouth;

he was led like a lamb to the slaughter,

and as a sheep before her shearers is silent,

so he did not open his mouth.

By oppression and judgment he was taken away.

And who can speak of his descendants?

For he was cut off from the land of the living;

for the transgression of my people he was stricken.

He was assigned a grave with the wicked,

and with the rich in his death,

though he had done no violence,

nor was any deceit in his mouth.

Yet it was the LORD's will to crush him and cause him to suffer,

and though the LORD makes his life a guilt offering,

he will see his offspring and prolong his days,

and the will of the LORD will prosper in his hand.

After the suffering of his soul,

he will see the light of life and be satisfied;

by his knowledge my righteous servant will justify many,

and he will bear their iniquities.

Therefore I will give him a portion among the great,

and he will divide the spoils with the strong,

because he poured out his life unto death,

and was numbered with the transgressors.

For he bore the sin of many,

and made intercession for the transgressors."

~Isaiah 53: 5-12

 
An interesting thing happened that Passover day, 2000 years ago.  After the high priest offered the sacrificial lamb in the temple, he said, "It is finished."  At that moment, another High Priest was offering Himself as the Passover Lamb. "Therefore when Jesus had received the sour wine, He said, 'It is finished!'And He bowed His head and gave up His spirit." ~John 19:30
 
This time, it really was finished.  "For Christ did not enter a holy place made with hands, a mere copy of the true one, but into heaven itself, now to appear in the presence of God for us; nor was it that He would offer Himself often, as the high priest enters the holy place year by year with blood that is not his own.  Otherwise, He would have needed to suffer often since the foundation of the world; but now once at the consummation of the ages He has been manifested to put away sin by the sacrifice of Himself.  And inasmuch as it is appointed for men to die once and after this comes judgment, so Christ also, having been offered once to bear the sins of many, will appear a second time for salvation without reference to sin, to those who eagerly await Him." ~Hebrews 9:24-28
 
Why is that possible?  Because it didn't end with the cross!  Jesus, our High Priest, our Passover Lamb, did not stay in the grave!  Instead His children found their Afikomen--the unleavened bread of life that was pierced, striped, and broken for my sin and yours--alive and well outside the empty tomb!  (John 20:1-18)

Thank you, Jesus, for Your sacrifice.

When Poverty Hits Home

My good friend Becca is one of the nurses on our ship.  Every day, she is able to watch people's lives being transformed through physical, emotional, and spiritual healing.  In the midst of this, though, she also sees firsthand the devastating effects of poverty.  Last week, one of the much-loved little ones being treated in our hospital passed away from malnutrition.  Losing a child for any reason is tragic and heart-wrenching, but losing a child to poverty?  There really are no words.  Click here to read as Becca shares Baby Anicette's story.

All About Relationship

You know God is trying to teach you something when He keeps showing you the same thing from all different directions.  A few days ago I had written about desiring to seek God in decisions...as in not just seek an answer from Him, but really seek HIM.  Yesterday I was emailing back and forth with my friend Kimi, and she told me about her pastor's sermon this weekend at Keystone Church. Kimi's prayer for herself is that she "will not try to BE like Jesus, but that I will let Jesus BE in me. The same power that conquered the grave lives in me, and trying to be like Jesus only leads to either pride (if we succeed for a while) or frustration (I’ll never get this right)."  

Her words reminded me of Colossians 1:27: "To them [the saints] God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory."

The hope of glory.  In ourselves, we have no hope of glory.  That's why, in Kimi's words, our efforts to BE like Jesus only lead to pride or frustration.  We cannot simply choose to BE like Jesus.  We aren't like Jesus.  Still, we strive and we stress and we think that if we just try harder, maybe next time we will get it right. We ask God what He wants us to DO, and what does He say?

"I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in Him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing." ~John 15:5

abide--to remain, continue, stay with, dwell

Abide in Him.   Him in me.  Hmm... 

Christ in me.  The hope of glory.

Last night I decided to re-listen to one of my favorite sermons by my pastor from home (David Platt, The Church at Brook Hills). I remembered that at the time, this message had given me a different perspective on Biblical decision-making, but I had forgotten most of the major points.  As I listened, I realized he was talking about the exact same thing that Kimi had mentioned earlier.  (Imagine that, right?)  In the sermon, David discusses all of the contemporary (and often comical) methods we try to use to determine God's will for our lives.  His conclusion?  "These methods miss the point of a relationship with God."  A few of my favorite quotes:

• God is more passionate about you knowing His will than you are...God desires for me to follow His will so much that He lives in me to accomplish it.
• The will of God is not a roadmap; it is a relationship where Christ overtakes our will to become one with His as we trust in His Word.
• What if our job is not to figure out what God's will is and do it for Him?  What if we day by day trust Christ to live in us?
• Knowing God's will is secondary to simply knowing God. 
• Experiencing, following the will of God is not a passive journey, where we just sit back and wait for Him to show us something; it's an active journey, we were are constantly taking the will of God that has been revealed to us and walking in it, and obeying it...When you don't know what to do, do what you know to do.
• Quote from Adrian Rogers: "The way to find God's will for the rest of your life is to do God's will for the next 15 minutes." 
• David's Constant Prayer: "God, I pray that today, now, you would lead me to the people, places, and positions where I can most effectively make disciples of all nations."
• If I am seeking after Him and saying, "God, I want to follow Your will right here, right now," and doing that, I'm confident that wherever I am five, ten, fifteen, forty years from now, I'll be exactly where God wants me to be.  Not because I trust myself but because I trust Christ in me to accomplish what He has created me for.

"For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose." ~Philippians 2:13

It all goes back to that, doesn't it?  Christ in me.  Christ in you.

Sometimes, it feels easier to ask for a roadmap.  If I'm really honest, sometimes that's all I want.  But I'm starting to learn that when I ask for a roadmap, I miss the relationship.  And I'm starting to learn that the relationship is so much better. 

If you have time, I would highly encourage you to listen to the rest of David's sermon for yourself.  All of his sermons are available free on video or podcast.  For the message referenced above, click here, choose between video or audio, and then select "The Disciple's Will" from 10/21/2007.

"Enyo Gangi"

Another mooch from Ali's blog.  Just read it.  Trust me. 

Free to Live (Revised)

"If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from His love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others."

Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
but made Himself nothing,
taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a man,
He humbled Himself
and became obedient to death—
even death on a cross!" ~Philippians 2:1-8

I wonder how my life would be different if it weren't all about ME. MY desires. MY decisions. MY day.  I'm discovering more and more that life is a whole lot more interesting, more joyful, more free, when I take the focus off myself.  The problem is, I'm not very good at taking the focus off myself. 

"What a wretched [woman] I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!" ~Romans 7:24

The world says to look out for number one, but what a self-destructive path that is.  What an empty, lifeless world is the one that revolves around ME.  Over and over, God is teaching me that He came to give us LIFE. Real life. An adventure into unexpected grace.

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I have come that they might have life, and have it abundantly." ~John 10:10

Not a life absent of trouble, but a life of peace in the midst of uncertainty, joy in the midst of heartache.

"Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." ~Matthew 11:28-30

But I can't have both at the same time.  I've tried that, and it doesn't work.  I have to choose.  My life or His?

"We've got to stop preaching this gospel that says you can add Jesus to your life. What the gospel teaches is you lose your life and then you find it. You sacrifice everything and Jesus says, 'I offer you something better.' "  ~Francis Chan.

"Then He said to them all: 'If anyone would come after Me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow Me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for Me will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self?'" ~Luke 9:23-25

"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me." ~Galatians 2:20

"Our old body of sin, the nature that must seek its own way, the person who is hopelessly depraved and resigned to failure, hangs limp on the cross. Raised in its place is the Spirit of the Living God poured into a temple of flesh so that God's presence will remain among men...Oh, that we would not cling to the things of our old body of sin. It is nothing but a decaying carcass. I have been crucified with Christ. I no longer live but Christ lives in me." ~Beth Moore on Galations 2:20

Lord, set me free from the captivity of self. I'm weary of ME. Replace me with YOU.  For in You and You alone is the path of life.

My Sentiments Exactly

Time for another blog mooch!  My friend Ali just shared about how it feels to live "next to Africa" during the Togolese elections.  I can totally relate.  Read her post "Elections from Afar" or check out her all of her insightful thought's at Ali's African Adventure.

Enough

All of You is more than enough for all of me
For every thirst and every need
You satisfy me with Your love
And all I have in You is more than enough

You are my supply
My breath of life
And still more awesome than I know
You are my reward
Worth living for
And still more awesome than I know

All of You is more than enough for all of me
For every thirst and every need
You satisfy me with Your love
And all I have in You is more than enough

You’re my sacrifice
Of greatest price
And still more awesome than I know
You’re the coming King
You are everything
And still more awesome than I know

More than all I want
More than all I need
You are more than enough for me
More than all I know
More than all I can say
You are more than enough for me

*Lyrics to "Enough" by Chris Tomlin

I think I may have asked for this.

I remember thinking sometime around November that my life was too easy. I had been talking to a friend who was going through a rough time and thought about how God would probably use this to draw her closer to Him. It suddenly hit me that I had drifted to a place of stagnancy. I hadn't felt God in a while because I hadn't really sought Him. I remembered the times in the past few months when I had really experienced His presence and work in my life. They had been the times when I was struggling with something and had to be totally dependent on Him. Although I'm not sure I verbalized a prayer, I know I at least thought that I needed to be shaken up a bit.

Then I forgot about it. But God didn't.

The past three months have been a gradual build-up of unknowns for me. Probably the biggest issues have involved the condo I own back home. A lesson learned in rash and prayerless decisions, it has been nothing but trouble since I decided to move to Africa. I won’t go into all the little details (there are way too many), but it has been enough to cause what I feel is an unfair burden to my parents, and enough to make me prayerfully consider whether I need to stay in Africa for a second year or come home at the end of this school year.

I HATE decisions. Especially life changing ones. The only contingency to my two-year commitment to Mercy Ships has been the condo, and the issues with it just seem to be escalating from all angles. I don’t know whether to say it is spiritual warfare--a means to confuse me into returning home too early--or if God’s intention was to use that contingency to lead me home next year.

Did I mention I hate decisions? Let's just reiterate that fact for a moment.

But as much as I hate decisions, as much as I wish God would send me a quick email telling me exactly what to do, I’m seeing that He is using this process to reveal what He has already done in my heart and what He is doing right now. He’s shown me areas where He has broken down strongholds in my life that had been there for years, things that I had buried and hidden but in my heart was afraid I would never truly get past. I’m too prideful to air my dirty laundry to the entire internet world, but I will say He allowed these circumstances to uproot what I had buried and bring it to the surface, and through that process He showed me clearly that I no longer need to fear the power of these strongholds.

And as for the spiritual warfare? Oh, I definitely think it’s a part of this process. Whether Satan is trying to confuse me into going home when I shouldn’t, I don’t know. What I do know is this: he is doing everything in his power to distract me from TODAY.

You see, while the decision for where I will be next year needs to be made soon, it’s not absolutely necessary that it be made today. I saw so clearly last summer that God is perfectly capable of directing my steps, even when I have no idea what to do. He has shown me over and over again that His timing is perfect, sometimes later than I think I’d prefer, but in the end, well worth the wait and ALWAYS better than what I had planned for myself. Yet somehow my analytical, can-you-please-just-tell-me-what-to-do-now brain forgets that He is in control of tomorrow and only asks me to walk with Him TODAY.

“Give us today our daily bread” (Matthew 6:11).

“Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these will be added to you. So do not worry about tomorrow, for each day has enough trouble of its own” (Matthew 6:33-34).

TODAY, God wants me to experience His presence, His peace, and His joy in my life. TODAY, He wants me to be so filled with His love and grace that it overflows to those around me. TODAY, He wants me to have my eyes open for opportunities to encourage others. If I am so busy trying to figure out tomorrow, I totally miss out on the gift of TODAY.

“The thief comes only to kill and steal and destroy. I have come that they might have LIFE, and have it more abundantly” (John 10:10).

One way I know God is working on me is that a few years ago (who am I kidding, LAST SUMMER), I wouldn’t have recognized that the enemy’s goal was to steal my todays. In moments of indecision, I always acted as though the decision was the end and not the means. My desire was only for direction, not so much for the Director. Now, I’m still asking Him to show me the way I should go. I’m still asking Him to guide my steps. I’m still asking Him to give me Scriptures that apply to this situation and the wisdom to rightly apply them. I’m still asking Him give my hesitant, uncertain heart repeated confirmations. BUT…amidst those prayers, I’m asking just simply for HIM. I’m asking to feel His presence. I’m asking to know His heart. I’m asking to have eyes to see the situation as He sees it. I’m asking Him to help me not be distracted by this decision and miss out on abiding with Him and loving others TODAY. And I realize that if I have HIM, the answer to my question of what I should do isn’t really all that important. He will work all of that out in His perfect timing. HE is all the answer that I need.

And you know what? I think that may be at least part of His purpose in shaking me up a bit. So no, I don’t regret asking for it.  :)

Pray for Togo

Togo hosts presidential elections today.  Please pray that the people of Togo will have a smooth democratic election today and peace within the country over the next few weeks.

My African Romance

In some ways, moving to another country is like a budding romance. In a relationship, everything feels new and exciting at first. You can't wait to share even the most minute details about the other person with whoever is willing to listen. You feel the need to take pictures of every experience together because you want capture each moment and never forget.

And then one day something changes. You wake up and realize you have nothing better to talk about than coffee creamer and popcorn. (You need to have read my last post to get that.) I joke, but the reality is that at some point all lasting relationships simply become "normal." You can't stay in the sleepless, can't-stop-thinking-about-‘em, butterfly infatuation forever. Hopefully, what replaces the constant butterflies is a comfortable, right-where-I-need-to-be feeling of being at home with the other person.

I'm now at home with Africa. I love it so much more than I did when we first met. But I no longer snap pictures at every corner. I'm no longer awestruck by the minute details, nor do I feel the need to chatter about them to anyone who will listen. I'm in the comfortable, right-where-I-need-to-be place.

As thankful as I am for the contentment of this season, I'm sorry that this normalcy has led to less blogging. I want to get back into the habit of sharing about this love, this life, with you. Starting now…

For my first few months in Benin, I was adjusting to so many things at once just on the ship: being thousands of miles away from family and friends, living with over 400 people from around the world, living on a SHIP, sharing tiny living quarters with strangers, and starting a new job. I never realized it then, but I was so focused on adjusting to ship life that, in many ways, I missed out on knowing Africa.  It was really only at the end of our Benin outreach that I felt a true desire to make Africa my home, not just the ship. 

That has all been different in Togo. From the moment we arrived, I was impatient to build relationships within the local community. Instead of viewing an African church as a place to visit to see how people from another culture worship, I want to call a local body of believers my church family. In Benin, I participated sporadically in a few different off-ship ministries; now I’m committed to tutoring a small group of neighborhood kids every Monday night.  And I absolutely love it.

I can’t wait to share more about my church and the kids I am tutoring. Since this blog post is already turning into a novel, I’ll save that for later. Until then, here are a few pictures from my first three weeks in Togo.

Pictures from Eglise Mission Church of Christ (my new church family)...

the congregation (taken by a friend seated behind the pastor)

women dancing during worship

worship band playing the African drums

After the service, someone from Mercy Ships presented boxes of clothes and toys from a church in Tenerife.

the children holding up their new toys

new toys!

A few pictures of the city (taken from the top of a roof)...

More to come soon...

Containers make me happy.

It has become apparent to me in recent days that I have developed four very odd addictions on the ship:

1. peanut butter and jelly sandwiches
2. cinnamon toast
3. coffee with French vanilla powdered creamer
4. microwave popcorn

Why addictions?  Well, take this past Saturday for instance.  Hot lunches aren't served on Saturdays and Sundays on the ship, so we are responsible for packing a lunch at breakfast.  For me, this typically means PB & J and an apple.  Last Friday though, croissants were served at breakfast, and I had the unprecedented foresight to save one for Saturday lunch with some cheddar cheese and deli sliced roast beef.  As I sat with some friends on Saturday with my "gourmet" lunch, I found myself envying my friend's soft and delicious peanut butter with strawberry jam on wheat. 

Sad, isn't it?

So you can imagine my despair as my stash of French vanilla coffee creamer and microwave popcorn, which accompanied me from the Trussville Walmart all the way to Africa after my time at home for Christmas, began to approach its end.  I considered asking my mom to ship me a package, but it seemed wasteful considering the cost of shipping would turn a less-than-$2 item into around $10.  I decided I could survive on coffee with sugar and milch (the next best thing to milk), and I could just increase my consumption of cinnamon toast to make up for the lack of popcorn (kidding). 

Then something wonderful happened...the container arrived today!  For those of you who haven't experienced the blessing that is a container, the container is a giant, trailer-sized metal box filled with goodies from our international operations center in Texas.  We eagerly await one about every 6 weeks.  Guess what was inside this particular container?  Microwave popcorn AND French vanilla coffee creamer!!! 

It was a happy, happy, HAPPY day.  :)  

Togolese Church

Ok so I guess I'm becoming a blog mooch.  I keep running across blog posts that my friends have written and wanting everyone else to read them too.  I'm going to have to do it again. 

This morning I found my new church home for my time here in Togo.  I could expound upon the vibrant worship, grace-filled message, and open-armed welcome we received from our Togolese brothers and sisters, but I just don't think I could say it as well as my friend Jenn already has.  So, please don't stop reading as I close this post.  Please click here to read her humorous and insightful thoughts on our worship time this morning.  If you're anything like me, you won't want to read just that post; you'll want to read the rest of her thoughts at When I grow up I want to be a nurse in Africa...or a ballerina.

I needed that.

My friend Megan wrote a very insightful blog post today, and I was so thankful to run across it tonight because it was just what I needed to hear.  (I love it when God does that!)  My guess is that there are probably others out there who might need to hear it too.  Check it out by clicking here.  (You can read all of Megan's posts on her blog, Finding Joy.)

Togo!

We’re here!!! I’m so excited to finally be in Togo!  Praise the Lord for a safe sail and arrival!  We saw our first glimpse of land this morning and pulled into port around 10:30 a.m.

Danae and I waiting to dock

five of my students with their Togolese flags

Togolese people welcoming us to the dock

They were playing an African worship song, "You Are the Most High God."

Becca, Leah, and me...so glad to be here!

  

Because this is a new country, I thought I’d give you a bit of an overview. Togo is located in West Africa between Ghana and Benin. It’s the tiny yellow country in the map below.

Capital: Lomé
Population: 6,031,808
Language: French
Religion: African traditional religions (mainly voodoo) 70%, Christian 20%, Muslim 10%

If you want to learn more, check out Togo on the CIA World Factbook at https://www.cia.gov/library/publications/the-world-factbook/geos/to.html

Our Purpose for Being Here
Just like in Benin, our primary ministry in Togo will be the hospital. We hope to begin screening patients next week, and the first surgery is scheduled for the 26th. An off-ship eye clinic and dental clinic will soon be up and running as well. During the six months we will be in Togo, the doctors will provide care for the following: cleft lip and palate, cataract removal, maxillofacial tumors, orthopedics, and VVF repair, as well as general surgery, dental, and eye care.

Another goal for this outreach is to focus more attention on training local professionals. Local doctors will work alongside Mercy Ships doctors to learn the skills necessary to perform the surgeries themselves. Outside of the hospital, Mercy Ships crew will train local workers in agriculture and construction. Our goal is to invest in the people of Togo in such a way that they can continue to provide healing and change for their own country long after our ship is gone.

Of course, the overall purpose of our mission is to be the hands and feet of Jesus for the people of Togo.  Please pray that our actions will be a witness that will create opportunities to share the gospel. 

An Important Prayer Request
On February 28th, Togo will hold a presidential election.  Please pray that the 2010 election will be fair and peaceful for the people of Togo. Please pray that no problems arise that could delay or slow our outreach here. Thank you so much for your prayers!

Ok, I'm done.  Goodnight from Togo!  :) 

Westerly Swells

This is my classroom.

This is my classroom after a rough night at sea.

It's a good thing child labor laws don't apply on the Africa Mercy.

My students' reaction to skipping the first lesson to clean...

My classroom was nothing.  You should've seen the galley!  I barely peeked in the door, but I could smell the souring milk (oh 'xcuse me, milch) from the hallway.  Rumor had it there was a giant "pancake potential" covering the floor.

Ah, life on a ship.  Sometimes you've just gotta go with the flow.  Literally.