So I'm not in Africa. I haven't found a renter yet, and I just didn't have complete confidence to step on that airplane on Sunday. I have to be honest. I feel a little faithless right now. You know that verse in James where it says that "the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind" (James 1:6)? That's the best way to describe how I felt as I tried to sleep Sunday night. Except there were numbers too. Numbers for dollars swimming through my head.
Does this lack of a renter mean that I should step out on faith, trusting that God will provide once I'm there? Or is it God's way of telling me that He wants me to stay here? I don't doubt for a second that God has been purposeful in bringing me this far. I learned so much at Gateway and throughout this whole process. Probably the biggest thing I learned though, is that Africa is not a spiritual honeymoon...the place where my relationship with God will magically be absent of doubts, insecurities, and effort. God is just as present in Alabama as He is in Benin. Sure, my life would undoubtedly never be the same, but God can transform me and use me here too.
I'm not sure what will happen from here. I'm praying for clarity, but more than that, I'm praying that God will be sovereign over my decision. I'm praying that He will act for me, regardless of my own desires, logic, and emotions. I'm praying that when the decision has been made, I will know that it was the right one.