Fabric Market and City Life

We went to the fabric market on Saturday. My friends Jamie and Kelly captured some great photos of daily life in Benin (and a few of us as well).

Our group with the sales people.

The women carry everything on their heads here.

Even with babies strapped to their backs...

Plenty of fresh produce...

Luggage anyone?

Victoria's Secret :)

a West African gas station

Houses in the poorest section of town...

Hammock under a work truck, where its driver sleeps at night...

Sunset over the Africa Mercy...

How do you entertain yourself on a ship in the middle of West Africa?

You throw an 80's dance party! Last night we had the most fun finding odds and ends on the ship to turn into 80's party attire. We did a pretty good job, if I do say so myself. Wouldn't you agree?

We even had a brief appearance from Bon Jovi (aka PJ) singing "Livin' on a Prayer."

Girls just wanna have fun...that's all we really wa-a-a-a-a-nt!

Those of you who know me well are not going to believe this, but I danced. Yep...freestyle. And by danced, I mean totally went crazy. So much that they tried to push me into the middle of the watch-my-moves circle during “Can’t Touch This.”

Perhaps it was my rockin’ 80’s hairstyle. Maybe the white mini-skirt is to blame. Or it could've been the fact that I’m in Africa, and no one knows I’m supposed to be the wallflower. Whatever it was, I had so much fun. My girls back home would be proud.

From left: Jamie, Danae, me, Kelly, Christina, and Becca

Ouidah

Last weekend, we went to Ouidah, a renovated Portuguese slavery fort that has been turned into a museum. Portuguese Catholic "missionaries" housed the slaves here before they were sent to Europe or the Americas. I wish I could post pictures of the artifacts we saw inside, but we weren't allowed to take pictures. We saw the original chains that were used to hold people captive, in both adult and child sizes. It was so, so sad. We also saw items that are used in voodoo practices.

Here is the church where the "missionaries" forced the slaves to attend on Sunday mornings. They would still participate in their traditional religions at night. That is why it is common today for people in Africa to mix Christianity and voodoo. I had always wondered how that was possible, and I was horrified to realize that "Christians" (by that I mean people who called themselves Christians) had something to do with it.

The "Point of No Return" marks the last place the slaves touched African soil before boarding the ship that would take them to Europe or the Americas. They had to walk from the fort to the beach to board smaller boats that would take them to a larger ship anchored in the deeper waters.

Kind of funny...cows on the beach past the "Point of No Return."

Another monument on the beach in memory of the people who were sent as slaves from Benin.

It was really difficult to see all of these things. People warned me that I would be able to physically feel the spiritual darkness in Benin, and I have to admit, I didn't really believe them. After leaving the slavery museum and learning about the voodoo culture, however, I had the worst headache and felt extremely depressed for about two hours. There aren't many words to say to describe any of it except to say that it was very eye-opening. Please pray for the people here that they would be released from the lies of voodoo and ancestor worship, and seek a relationship with the One True God.

Pictures

Just a few pics from around the countryside...

If you look really hard in this picture, you can see a line of men all holding onto a rope. This is a common way for everyone in the community to fish.

Pleading the 5th on the next one...

2 Corinthians 1:3-4

I can't say they didn't warn me about the fourth week. They told us to be ready for it. Ready to feel a little out of place. A little homesick.

Maybe it's because the novelty wears off around the fourth week. Maybe it's because new friendships are budding, but you haven't reached a point of genuine closeness yet. Maybe it's because friends from home have started to adjust to you not being there, so there are no longer constant reminders that you are missed. Out of sight, out of mind, you think (even though you know that isn't really true). And then all of a sudden, home is all you can think about.

On Tuesday my mom told me a funny story of how my dad had seen my car in the driveway and thought that I was at their house. Ordinarily, I would have laughed and said that I needed to start looking into retirement homes for him soon. Not so this week. Instead I just burst into tears. Fourth week.

As I lay in my bed that night, I decided that if I could be real with no one else, I needed to be real with God. I don't know why it's my natural tendency to seek comfort in another person first. I tend to ignore Him as long as there are people around. I guess that's why sometimes He has to strip us of all of our people. So He did, and I was real with Him. I told Him I was sad and homesick and that it hurt. I asked Him to be my joy.

He listened. And whereas another person doesn't have the capacity to be my joy, God does. The next morning, I woke up with a sense of genuine joy and peace that could have only come from Him.

God used my sadness and His answer to my prayer to give me a special bonding moment with my students yesterday.  At one point during the day, they started to talk about feeling homesick on the ship.  I was able to be real with them about how I had been feeling a few days ago.  I told them about how I had taken my sadness to God and how He had answered me so clearly.  It brought 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 to life, as I was able to comfort my little ones with the same comfort my Heavenly Father had so graciously given to me.

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4).

Kisses from Katie

I've posted this link before, but I've just spent some time reading a blog that challenges and encourages me every time I read it, and I feel the need to share it one more time. It is written by Katie, a twenty-year-old girl from Brentwood, Tennessee. After graduating high school, Katie flew to Uganda for what she thought would be a temporary mission trip. The Lord had other plans. She is now the mother of 13 orphans and oversees Amazima Ministries International, providing over 300 children with food, medical care, school fees, and spiritual encouragement.

Seriously, if you've never read her blog, you need to. The link is www.kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com. I promise you will be touched and challenged.

Manicures

I was able to visit a patient in the ward today through the "Adopt a Patient" ministry. I was a little nervous at first because of the language barrier. (I can speak about enough French to say hi, how are you, what is your name, and I don't speak French!) When I met my five-year-old little girl, I learned a very important lesson: There is no language barrier that a bottle of pink nail polish can't cross! Don't you love my manicure?

I painted her nails first, and then she said, "Yovo," and pointed to my nails. "Yovo" means "white person."

"You want to paint my nails?" I asked. She grinned.

Thankfully, there is also no manicure that a bottle of nail polish remover can't fix. :)

A Day in Ship Life

Warning: This post will probably be extremely boring to everyone except my parents, extended family, a possibly a few very close friends (assuming most people don't care what I eat for breakfast or what I do at night). However, because several members of the aforementioned groups have been asking these questions, I might as well answer them for everyone.

What's it like living on the ship?
Honestly, it's not that much different from living at home. Sometimes I forget I'm even on a ship...or across the world for that matter. Think co-ed college dorm with an age span of infants to eighty-year-olds. Ok, I guess that means it is a little different from home.

Do you get seasick?
No, but we aren't sailing right now. The boat does sway slightly as it's docked though. When I'm sitting at my desk in my classroom, I can feel it move forward and back. At night in my bed, I feel it from side to side. At least now I have an excuse for my clumsiness!

Are you able to get off the ship?
Yes, every Saturday my friends and I have spent a few hours off-ship exploring the city. We've seen a beach, a public pool, and a swamp. I still want to see the market, and we're planning to go camping sometime soon. We can also go to the local churches on Sunday, but I haven't done that yet because I've attended services on the ship instead.

What do you do when you're not teaching?
There is always something to do with so many people around. I've gotten into a fairly steady routine recently. I'm taking French lessons, doing a small group Bible study, and playing with children in the hospital ward a few nights a week. We also have community meetings and other scheduled worship services with the entire crew. Friday is typically movie night with friends, and we usually find something fun to do off-ship on Saturdays.

How's the food?
Really good actually! My favorite food night is Tuesday because it's Africa night...I've discovered that I love fried plantains! We also have fresh pineapple and mangos several times a week and a salad bar with every meal. The only staple item that I don't like is the milk. It's so pasteurized that it's completely fine sitting at room temperature...enough said. Obviously cereal is out. I thought I was going to be eating peanut butter toast every morning for the next year, until I discovered that I could mix bananas and brown sugar in oatmeal for a better-than-Quaker hot breakfast. I'm now a happy camper in the mornings as well.

How hard is it to keep in touch with people from home?
Easier than you might think. We have wireless access in several locations on the ship, so I can use email and instant messaging software to communicate with family and friends online. Also, our satellite system is located in Florida, so phone calls are free for anyone in the US (and free for me to receive them as well). The only major complication is the time zone difference. I'm available when most people are at work, and by the time they are home, I'm already asleep. Thankfully, most of my closest friends are either stay-at-home moms or are able to chat occasionally from work, so it works out fairly well. And if nothing else, there's always email!

Will you be able to come home for Christmas?
Yes! I'll be home for 2 1/2 weeks...December 23-January 9th. Such a blessing!

Well, that's ship life in a nutshell. Hope I didn't bore you too much!

Passing Along a Good One

I really appreciated my friends Elliot and Julle's blog today. I think you might too. Click here to read it.

Psalm 37:4

"Delight yourself in the LORD, and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

I thought I had a pretty good understanding of this verse even in high school. I remember being very proud of myself (self-righteous) that I didn't think this verse meant that if you loved God, He would give you everything you wanted. Oh no, being the spiritual person that I was, I could clearly explain that it meant if you seek Him, He will change your desires to match His. Although I believe it's true that He will transform our desires as we surrender our lives to Him, I realized today that this verse could also have much deeper meaning.

What if it's not about changing our desires at all? If we truly delight ourselves in God, what is our biggest desire? Our desire is what we delight in, so therefore our desire is Him. What if this verse means, if we delight ourselves in God, He will give us more of Himself?

God of This City

I apologize in advance if this blog post is a little scattered. I haven't written much lately because I honestly haven't felt like I've had anything important to say. For some reason, since I'm in Africa, I feel like everything I post needs to sound super-spiritual somehow. The problem is that hasn't been my experience here so far. (Doesn't that sound exactly like what I said He had taught me at Gateway?) I think He is trying to drill several things into my heart these days: (1) His timing is perfect, (2) His plan is better than mine, (3) everywhere is a mission field, and (4) experiencing His presence in my life is dependent on how much I am seeking Him, not on my circumstances or physical location.

Since it's fairly clear how He has been teaching me points one and two, I'd like to camp out on point three for a moment. From my first day on the ship, I jumped right into my responsibilities as 4th and 5th grade teacher. For the first two weeks, I spent so much time trying to catch up on lesson plans that I barely ventured outside of my classroom except to eat and sleep. A friend of mine asked me, "Do you feel like you're where you are supposed to be?" He was a little surprised when I hesitated (especially considering the question was posed just two days after I had posted the "Dayenu" entry). "Feel" was the wrong word to use in that question. At that moment, I didn't "feel" much anything...at least not much anything other than busy.

My days here are very much like my days in Birmingham. I wake up, teach, work on lessons or grading after school, eat, spend some time with friends, sleep, etc. I know that just a few flights of stairs below me, people are having debilitating tumors removed, children are having cleft palates corrected and are able to eat normally for the first time, and women who have been incontinent for years from a traumatic childbirth are receiving their lives back. But I am not there to see this. I am teaching multiplication facts and the parts of a sentence. I am grading papers. I am planning for the next day.

The first time I really felt like I was even in another country was our community meeting last Thursday. (Thursday nights are my favorite night on the ship because everyone gathers for worship and a message, and then we have an ice cream fellowship afterwards.) At the end of last Thursday's meeting, the band played Chris Tomlin's "God of This City." We were encouraged to open the curtains and look out over the ocean and the city lights, praying for the people and for God to use us in our last three months in Cotonou. As we prayed, I thought of a little boy that I had seen struggling to walk down the dock because of the deformity of his legs. I know that he has the hope of a normal life because of what God is doing through Mercy Ships. I know that my teaching here is a small part of that. At the same time though, I was also reminded of home.

On the day when I thought for certain I was staying in Birmingham, I distinctly remember "God of This City" playing from my iPod as I was driving around the curve of the exit from I-459 to 280. At the time, it was a comfort that God had placed me there for a purpose. And here in Benin, it was exactly the same message.

One of the things I've questioned myself on since my arrival is the way in which I spend my weekends. Being completely new to the area, it's exciting to see everything about the city--the beaches, the markets, the camping spots. etc. There is always someone arranging a group to do something. It's nice to get off the ship for a while, and everything here is very inexpensive, so there's no reason not to go. Except that I've felt guilty that relaxing by a pool on Saturday afternoon isn't a very "missionary" thing to do. Shouldn't I be visiting the residents in the psychiatric center instead of reading a book under a palm tree? Shouldn't I be showing the Jesus film with the group in the community instead of watching a comedy with friends on Friday night? Yes and no.

I don't think there's anything wrong with taking a break and spending time with friends. I shouldn't feel guilty for sitting by a pool in Benin any more than I would feel guilty sitting by a pool in Birmingham. However, the problem begins when I spend all of my time on my own entertainment and think nothing of ministering to others. My conviction is not that I am doing this here; my conviction is that I did this in Birmingham.

Why do I live like Cotonou is a mission field and Birmingham is not? Wherever I am, He has me there for a purpose. My every day teaching responsibilities here are a ministry, even when I don't feel like it. They were a ministry in Birmingham too. While I'm here, I want to learn the joy of serving others in my free time so that when I go home, serving will sound better than sitting by the pool.

"God of This City" by Chris Tomlin

You're the God of this City

You're the King of these people

You're the Lord of this nation

You are

You're the Light in this darkness

You're the Hope to the hopeless

You're the Peace to the restless

You are

There is no one like our God

There is no one like our God

For greater things have yet to come

And greater things are still to be done in this city

Greater thing have yet to come

And greater things are still to be done here

A Week in Pictures

I don't have too many pictures yet, but I wanted to go ahead and post the ones I have taken so far. I don't have any of my cabin because my bedding hasn't arrived yet (I shipped it from Texas), so I'm waiting until I can make it cute before I take any pictures. Also, we have to be really cautious about taking pictures of the local people around town. (Would I want someone driving through my hometown and snapping photos of me without my permission?) So, I'll try to post some pictures of the city eventually, but it may be little while before I have those.

Jamie, Kelly, and I in front of the ship

The cafeteria (The food is really good here, and surprisingly, I probably eat more fruits and veggies than I did at home!)


My favorite sign...located just outside of the community bathroom where I shower every morning.

We got off of the ship for about three hours last weekend to see El Dorado Beach. There was a side for paying visitors and a side for locals. It only cost $3 to get in the "beach club" side, but you could definitely tell the difference.

Most smaller boats look just like this.

Local fishermen

The non-paying side...notice the trash?

And there's the pile! The water smelled really bad. I'm guessing it was polluted from all the garbage. Don't worry, Mom, I didn't swim. :)

That's all for now...more to come soon!

Dayenu

Well, I'm here! I arrived last Sunday night at 10:45 p.m. Benin time...just 9 hours before welcoming my new students on the first day of school. To say that the past two weeks have been a whirlwind would be an understatement. Just two weeks ago today, God provided a renter for my condo the day after I had resigned from my position on the ship. After contacting Mercy Ships with the good news, I frantically began making preparations to fly out that weekend. The lease was signed the next day (Wednesday), a couple good friends came over that night to help me pack boxes at the condo, more friends helped me move everything out on Thursday, and I handed the keys over on Friday. Saturday afternoon my parents drove me to Atlanta, and by Sunday evening I was in Benin. Between 15 hours on an airplane and 5 hours in the Paris airport, I planned my first day's lessons. Crazy!

Needless to say, I haven't had much time for blogging. Sorry!!! Before I even go into any details about life onboard the Africa Mercy, I know I still need to share the story of how God proved His sovereignty over my decisions. So, here goes...

Right after I resigned from my position with Mercy Ships two weeks ago, I began considering all employment options in Birmingham. One of the first things I did was call my principal from HTMS to tell her that I was officially staying and to ask that she keep me in mind for anything that may become available at the last minute, knowing that my old position had been filled months ago. She was very gracious to say that she would call me first if anything opened up, but I knew it was highly unlikely that anyone would resign from a position the week before school started. Nevertheless, she immediately contacted the board of education to request that she be called if any positions opened up in any of the other schools within our system. Meanwhile, new teacher orientation was underway at the board. After hanging up the phone with my principal, the lady at the board overheard one of the new teachers talking with the superintendent about needing to find an apartment within the city limits so that her child could be enrolled in the school system. My condo was mentioned, she was interested, the school contacted me, she looked at my condo that night and immediately agreed to rent it for 12 months.

Did you catch that? It was my call to my principal to say that I was staying that led to having a renter that afternoon! How's that for timing?

What amazed me so much about my story is not only the way that the rental situation just perfectly fell into place at the last second, although that was amazing. Rather, it's the way that God showed me grace in using my decision to stay as the means by which the renter was provided. You see, I have no doubt that had I boarded that plane on July 26th without anyone to rent my condo, He still could have somehow provided the very same renter on the very same day. However, once I cancelled the airline ticket, had He provided the renter through any other means, I would have always felt guilty for not leaving on July 26th.

My Father knows me. He knows that my faith is far from perfect, and He knows that I often question my own ability to hear Him. He knows that during the entire time I was home, I was questioning myself on everything that I thought had been an answer to prayer. Worse yet--I was questioning Him! If everything that I thought had pointed me to Mercy Ships was really not an answer to prayer, then where were the answers to my prayers? Where was God in all of this? Had He heard me? Was He even listening? Why was He ignoring me??? It is hard to describe the relief that I felt in knowing that I really had heard Him correctly, and realizing that my peace in going really was from Him. All I know is that I felt loved and known and desired by Him in a way that I had never experienced before--not so much because I was going, but because I knew He had heard me, and because He had shown me grace in my own weakness and insecurity. I don't want to ever forget that.

As for me, I used to say that I was never sure of a decision until hindsight. Now I can say that He is teaching me to walk by faith and not by hindsight. :) (my own personal twist on 2 Corinthians 5:7)

As for God, this situation reminds me of one of my favorite Hebrew Passover traditions: the song "Dayenu." At Passover Seders, Jews around the world celebrate God's blessings by singing a song about God's blessings during the Exodus. The title of the song is "Dayenu," which means "it would have been enough." I don't remember the words to the song as it relates to the Passover, but I can certainly apply the principle to my own life:

If He had brought me to South Africa last summer to change a little piece of my view of Him, but left me without any thoughts of Mercy Ships...Dayenu--it would have been enough.

If He had led me to Mercy Ships for the purpose of learning about an amazing organization, but never offered me the position to serve...Dayenu--it would have been enough.

If He had offered me a position with Mercy Ships to allow me to meet extraodinary people and learn more about Him through Gateway in Texas, but sent me back home to love Him in Birmingham...Dayenu--it would have been enough.

If He had provided a renter for me to go, but allowed me to wrestle with questioning my own decisions...Dayenu--it would have been enough.

I prayed for guidance, and He led me. I prayed that when I didn't know what to do, He would be sovereign over my decisions, and He proved that He always has been. I prayed for mercy, and He showed me a love and grace so personal that I cannot doubt His heart or my place within His plan. I am so grateful that He is more than enough.

Just Kidding...I'm Going to Africa!!!

I am so excited to say that just four hours after posting that I was not going to be able to serve with Mercy Ships, I spoke for the first time with the lady who will be renting my condo for the next year! My bags are still packed, and my new flight leaves on Saturday night. I will arrive in Benin on Sunday night, just in time for the first day of school bright and early the next morning! I cannot wait to share the story of how God orchestrated all of the events to prove He was sovereign over my every step, even my decision to stay in Birmingham. I would love to share more now, but the past 24 hours have been such a whirlwind that I am exhausted. I certainly don’t want to write quickly and leave out something important! So, until I can share the whole story, just know that I’m going after all!!!

I am staying.

This was by far one of the most difficult decisions I have ever made in my life. After talking with my principal at Mercy Ships, I made a very difficult decision to stay, knowing that going without a renter was not only a risk for me, but it would also be unfair to the students if I were to go and then leave just two weeks after school had started. (The end of August was my deadline for when I would require a renter or other provision for my condo in order to stay.) Right now, I don't really have the words to explain everything, but I know that people have been praying with me through this, and I wanted to let you know that a decision has been made. I will write more later about the Scriptures, counsel, and circumstances that led me to remain in Birmingham. For now, please pray that I will continue trusting that God's plan is bigger than I could've imagined or created, that I will stop second-guessing myself and move forward, and that He will direct my steps to the employment/ministry He has for me here. Thank you so much for all of your prayers and encouragement. I am truly blessed with amazing, godly friends and family. I love you!

Decisions, Decisions

So I'm not in Africa. I haven't found a renter yet, and I just didn't have complete confidence to step on that airplane on Sunday. I have to be honest. I feel a little faithless right now. You know that verse in James where it says that "the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind" (James 1:6)? That's the best way to describe how I felt as I tried to sleep Sunday night. Except there were numbers too. Numbers for dollars swimming through my head.

Does this lack of a renter mean that I should step out on faith, trusting that God will provide once I'm there? Or is it God's way of telling me that He wants me to stay here? I don't doubt for a second that God has been purposeful in bringing me this far. I learned so much at Gateway and throughout this whole process. Probably the biggest thing I learned though, is that Africa is not a spiritual honeymoon...the place where my relationship with God will magically be absent of doubts, insecurities, and effort. God is just as present in Alabama as He is in Benin. Sure, my life would undoubtedly never be the same, but God can transform me and use me here too.

I'm not sure what will happen from here. I'm praying for clarity, but more than that, I'm praying that God will be sovereign over my decision. I'm praying that He will act for me, regardless of my own desires, logic, and emotions. I'm praying that when the decision has been made, I will know that it was the right one.

Basic Safety Training

Our last week of Gateway was a U.S. Coast Guard program in Basic Safety Training. It included Personal Survival Techniques, First Aid and CPR, Basic Fire Fighting, and Personal Safety and Social Responsibilities. In other words, we are now at least academically prepared for whatever emergency ship life may throw at us...not that my certificate means you would want me to be your rescuer in an emergency. Ha! Now that would be scary!

A few pictures to walk you through the week...

Danae and I in full fire gear. I hated the masks because there was always a brief moment of panic when it didn't connect just right and your air supply was completely cut off. Not to mention we are suited up in the middle of a 100 degree Texas summer day.

Meet Buck. Buck is 160 lbs. of dead weight. We had to rescue him from a smoky room with no visibility. He got about three inches closer to safety with me. I need to work out.

Here I am fighting a class B liquid fire (aka gasoline) with an ABC dry chemical (aka multipurpose fire extinguisher).



This was the worst part of the whole drill. The trainers started a fire in the container below, and we had to go inside with one partner and control it with the fire hose. (We couldn't completely put it out because then there would be no fire for the next group.) The container was completely enclosed and therefore entirely filled with thick black smoke. The smoke you see billowing up in the picture is leaking through small cracks, not a large hole in the ceiling as it might seem. We couldn't see a thing in front of us, and the temperature of the smoke on the ceiling was estimated to be 800 degrees at one point. One member of our team stood up into the smoke and didn't have his face completely covered, and his face was actually blistered in a small area from the heat. I don't mean to be dramatic. I knew it wasn't really dangerous because our trainers were inside the container with us the whole time. However, I felt terrified and was so glad when the exercise was over. It takes a special calling to be a fire fighter. I don't know how they do it.

We did it!

Survival at Sea was much more fun. We got to practice "jumping ship" in an immersion suit. Look, it's the Mercy Ship Teletubbies!

Forming a human raft in our immersion suits.

This was my favorite part--flipping a 12-man life raft from an upside down position in the water. We had to climb on top of the raft, grab the ropes, flip the raft over on top of us, and swim out from underneath. We could either do it with a partner or by ourselves. I initially wanted to do it with a partner, but we both decided we wanted to see if we could do it on our own. Surprisingly, we did!

Basic Safety Training was intense and challenging. There were parts I absolutely hated and parts that I loved. Overall though, I definitely learned some basic concepts of how to handle a ship emergency. I'm glad that Mercy Ships takes the time to train every crew member with such an indepth program. It makes me feel much safer knowing I'll be with hundreds of people who have all been trained in not only how to handle a crisis, but also how to prevent one from happening. Hopefully, our prevention skills will be put to such good use that we'll never have to use the survival skills! :)

Canoeing on Caddo Lake

Last Sunday, we spent the day canoeing at Caddo Lake State Park, which contains the nation's largest Cypress swamp. The scenery was unbelievable. I've never seen anything like it.

Parts of the water were covered in huge (2 ft. in diameter) lily pads.

Here we are paddling through the bayou before reaching my favorite part of the swamp.

The Cypress swamp looked like the canoeing scene in The Notebook.

We canoed for four hours. We were all completely exhausted (and disgusting) afterward, but as you can see from the pictures, it was well worth it.

Mercy Ships on Fox 6!

My parents were watching the news last night and saw a feature on Mercy Ships! Check it out...

Pray for Caleb

Please pray for precious Caleb Richards. Caleb is an adorable 2-year-old boy who was diagnosed with cancer (Wilms' Tumor) in June 2007. He has been in remission, but the doctors found some dark spots on his left lung during his regular CT scan on Friday. He has a second scan on Monday at 12:00. Please pray for his scan to be completely clear and for his parents, Jennifer and Daniel, to have rest and peace this weekend. You can visit Caleb's CaringBridge site by clicking here to read his story and write him an encouraging note. He and his family would love to know you are praying!

Praise Report (Added 7/13/09): Caleb's CT scan today was completely clear! Praise the Lord!

Right Here

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." Psalm 139:23-24

These verses were on my mind as I walked to dinner today. Over the past few days, I've felt discouraged and confused about the situation with my condo. (For those of you reading this who do not know, I have to rent my condo out in order to serve with Mercy Ships. The rental process has been a roller coaster of getting my hopes up only to have something fall through...over and over again.) For the past few months, the condo has been my "fleece"--the final determining factor in whether or not God wants me to go. I expected it to have been rented at least a month ago. Now, here I am, less than two weeks away from boarding a plane to Africa, with no renter.

We've been talking a lot about contemplative prayer in our training. In other words, we are learning the importance of spending time silent before God, listening instead of doing all of the talking in our prayer time. I felt like I really needed to practice that today, so I grabbed my Bible and a towel after dinner and headed for the little pond behind our cabin. After several minutes doing the usual rambling in my own words, I finally prayed through Psalm 139:23-24 and asked God to still my thoughts and allow me to feel His presence.

I sat. I stared at the water. I lay down. I closed my eyes. I listened to the fish jump and the dragonflies buzz. I couldn't feel Him. I didn't hear Him. I asked, Where are You, God?

In frustration, I reached for my Bible and pulled the open-it-up-and-see-where-it-falls trick. I think it landed somewhere in the middle of an Old Testament war. I flipped...and flipped...until eventually my eyes fell on Psalm 139:23-24. Since that was the verse that had been on my mind before dinner, and had been my prayer, something in me felt like I needed to read the whole psalm from the beginning. When I got to verse seven, I understood why.

"Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? If I ascend to heaven, You are there; if I make my bed in Sheol, behold, You are there. If I take the wings of the dawn, if I dwell in the remotest part of the sea, even there Your hand will lead me, and Your right hand will lay hold of me." Psalm 139:7-10

Though I may not feel Him, He is there. Though I do not realize it, He is guiding me with His hand.

Contemplating Poverty

"Listen, my beloved brethren: did not God choose the poor of this world to be rich in faith and heirs of the kingdom which He promised to those who love Him?” James 2:5

When I first began to consider serving with Mercy Ships, I realized that I was becoming strangely jealous of the poor. I find it interesting that we tend to think we have something to offer the less fortunate. How many times have you heard someone return from a mission trip saying something like, "I went with the intentions of blessing someone else, but instead I was the one blessed." Why is that? Could it be that what they lack in financial security they make up for in faith?

I've grown up in a country in which financial status determines value, and self-sufficiency is to be pursued above all else. We don't seek God because we think we don't need Him. I don't pray when I'm sick; I go to the doctor. I don't ask God to provide my daily bread; I drive to the nearest restaurant or grocery store. What's worse is the sense of entitlement that develops from never experiencing need. When confronted with poverty, my first inclination is to question why God allows this kind of suffering.

But what if God eradicated poverty tomorrow? Would we all go about our daily business with God as an afterthought? Would we all forget that it is He who provides our next breath? Would we all miss what it really means to know Him...as Savior, Provider, Healer, Comforter, Father, and Friend?

The Bible teaches that it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God (Matt. 19:24). I cannot help but consider, could it be that in all my American wealth, I am the one who is truly poor?

Lord, I have nothing to offer and so much to learn. May the poor of this world teach me how to be rich in faith.

Additional Thoughts (7/9/09): I wanted to clarify that I don't believe living in poverty is God's intention for His creation, or that poverty is in any way a blessing. There are so many scriptures that command us to look after the poor. He even told the Israelites that they would have no poor among them if they listened to His voice and obeyed His commandments (Deut. 15:4-5). There are certainly enough resources in the world that if all believers obeyed His commands, there could potentially be no poor among us either. However, Scripture also acknowledges that in a fallen world, there will always be poverty (Deut. 15:10 and Mark 14:7). The surrounding context of James 2:5 is about not showing partiality to the rich; it is a reminder that a person's value is not determined by his/her financial status. In reflecting on these verses earlier, I realized that material possessions are often a barrier to faith. As far as faith, I don't want to be like those in the church at Laodicea to whom Jesus cautions that he will spit out of His mouth, "Because you say, 'I am rich, and have become wealthy, and have need of nothing,' and you do not know that you are wretched and miserable and poor and blind and naked" (Revelation 3:16-17). It's too easy to be blinded by our own self-sufficiency. I'm tired of being blinded to my need of Him, simply because I think I have everything I need.

A Taste of Texas

It's not all serious around here! I have met so many great new friends, and we've really enjoyed spending our weekends giving a taste of Texas to those who have never experienced it. A few pictures...

Country Line Dancing at Big Sandy's Dance Hall

Real American Hamburgers!

Bowling

Gateway Week 1

I know this post is a little overdue, but I thought I'd post a few highlights of the things I am learning at Gateway. Our days are so intense that it's hard to compile everything into a few sentences, but I'll do my best.

We began our training by creating a list of expectations for the month. My expectations...

1. God will reveal His character and nature and correct any inaccurate views that I hold.
2. God will enable me to grow in faith, trust, and love.
3. Relationships will be built with others serving with Mercy Ships.
4. I will have a greater understanding of working with the poor.
5. God will transform head knowledge into heart knowledge.

What's in a Name?

I used to think of God's name as synonymous with His reputation. We tend to use phrases like "she destroyed her good name" and "his name is mud" to refer to someone's name as his/her reputation only. We are so focused on what other people think that sometimes we put more emphasis on our reputation than our true character. God is not like us; He is loving and compassionate because that is who He is! When Scripture speaks of His name, it is more than just His reputation--it is His very nature and character. Doesn't that make such a difference in verses like this?

"For the sake of my name I delay my wrath." Isaiah 48:9

"He guides me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake." Psalm 23:3

Who am I?

We took a DISC personality inventory to discover our own strengths and weaknesses. I am a CS (C-Conscientous, S-Steady). Instead of boring you with the details of my personality, I'd love to share a quote that really made me think: "Teams are well-rounded precisely because the individuals in them are not." Hmmm...kind of goes along with 1 Corinthians 12, doesn't it?

"Now the body is not made up of one part but of many. If the foot should say, "Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. And if the ear should say, "Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has arranged the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be." 1 Corinthians 12:14-18

Silent Retreat

Last Saturday we went to a nearby state park to spend some focused individual time with the Lord. Of course, much of my time was spent praying about the situation with the condo and asking God to show me what to do if a renter has not come by departure day. I didn't get a direct answer at the retreat, but when I got home, I was completely taken aback by an email I had received around the time the retreat ended. My friend Joy wrote that she didn't understand why she felt so strongly in saying this, but she thought she should tell me not to let the condo keep me from purchasing my airline ticket. She reminded me of God's timing and provision, and she thought that if it is not His will for me to go, He would probably confirm it in a different way. Wow. Sometimes God speaks in a still small voice, and sometimes He sends emails. :)